Why oh why can't you catch the real mice? Really? Most people who have cats don't have mice in their homes. Why do we? Really Donut - I don't like you much anyway, and now you cannot even catch mice. We have resorted to traps.
Cat for sale - anyone?? Dead mice are available to, free with cat purchase.
I have spent my whole life on the fringe of being popular.
In high school, I wasn't the first person called to go out, I rarely had a real date and I never sat on the homecoming court.
As life moved on, thankfully, I was never the one coordinating activities, sitting at the cool table at work, or being asked to dance at the club.
At 40, I am usually not the first person to be called upon to hang out with, to ask for help from or to even just chat.
Mainly my issue - at 40 how can I still feel like a gangly teenager and so unsure of myself in my own skin at times, and I am still painfully introverted and shy.
Thank goodness I value my alone time. A lot.
Imagine my surprise when last week I received 2 letters of importance.
One directly from Baby K'tan. They found my post last week raving about their product on the ol' Internet and sent me a very sweet email, and have now made my chest quite famous on their website. I was shock and honored. They like me, they really like me.And I like them.
The second letter came from directly from the Office of the President of the United States of America. Oh yeah - they really like me. Remember this post from August... ...well, he wrote me back and didn't answer any of my questions and addressed me as "DEAR FRIEND!!" I am his friend now, and am assuming that is warmer to write then say "Dear Tracy" as there is just no way it was a form letter sent to me.
Come to think of it, Baby K'tan actually addressed me as "Dear Tracy" - do you think they like me more?
I am going to go away now and analyze my 2 new friends and wonder if they really like me, will invite me to lunch or if they will ever call...or should I call them?
Last week I told Esther that I didn't think we would make it the pumpkin patch this year.
Mommy is tired and the thought of hauling the kids out at least an hour from the city with 1 million of my closest friends makes me feel more tired.
I just can't do it.
Aren't perfect mommies suppose to do that every October - go to the pumpkin patch, pay inflated prices, pick apples and fight the crowds?
Isn't that the politically correct Fall outing? Aren't I suppose to take perfect family pictures of my kids running in the patch, jumping in the leaves, climbing on the hay bales?
I just can't do it this year.
Esther told me that she doesn't like the pumpkin patch that much anyway - see exhibit "A" taken when she was 8 months old. ( Not sure if she was sad about the pumpkin patch or wearing vintage Gymboree though)
She also said "don't they sell pumpkins at Target?"
Perfect Fall Pumpkin Picture - check that off my list.
I am jumping for joy that the 4 day weekend is over.
We had MEA this past week, so the girls were off Thursday and Friday. I have no idea what MEA means, and I am too lazy to Google it. But they were home. Nuff said.
It was a looonnnggg 4 day weekend. I was alone, it was cold and rainy and being now afraid of all things H1N1 I didn't want to go do inside fun things and it was too cold and rainy for outside fun things. We sat in the house and watched movies, read, did art projects, cleaned the house and mainly listened to Astrid scream.
At one point during her screaming I was very calming saying to her "stop, just please stop, really just please stop" as tears ran down my face.
Eloise told me that was a silly thing to say as Astrid is too young to understand. Touche.
Calgon take me away.
It was then that I remembered what my luxuries were 8 years ago. -massages -wine with girlfriends -weekends in Paris -expensive dinners -concerts -manicures -plays -wearing heals
..and what my luxuries are now - and how I was wishing for just one of them this weekend. -pooping with the door closed and by myself -having time to shave my legs -a glass of wine by myself after the girls are all asleep -a rental movie -listening to my own music on the radio -a long run -going to Target by myself(I even get dressed up a bit when this happens and shop with a Ventinon-fat latte) - oh, you see the other moms at Target sans kids with the smiles on their faces. It is such a treat.
So, Astrid and I are on our own again today. Can someone tell her to just smile at me today.
For every new mom with every new baby, there is something in their arsenal of new mommy goodies that is their lifesaver.
It could be their breast pump, their nipple cream, their vicodin, the swing, the bouncy seat, or even perhaps their mother in law.
For Eloise, it was my nightly 1 hour walk, alone, in the cold, dark air after spending all day listening to her scream. Thank you Jed for bouncing her for that one hour so I could go scream at the stars for awhile and regain my composure until bedtime.
For Esther. Well, hmmm. Well Esther just sat in her bouncy seat 12 hours per day smiling. No arsenal, no lifesavers. She totally set me up for failure with number 3. Those easy babies are sneaky like that...making you alll confident in your parenting abilities and thinking that all babies are easy.
I will put Astrid between the 2 - pretty easy and mellow, but only likes ME(well, and Kristi for some reason) and screams really, really, really loudly if she is pissed..and is very hard to console. Her highness also would prefer to be held 24 hours per day thankyouverymuch.
Holy mother of all inventions - LOVE THIS THING. Love it!!!
I had a sling and a carrier with both older girls as babies and really kind of hated them. I feel like I tried them all and was let down for one reason or another...and I really like to wear my kids.
This thing has it all - easy on the back, easy to use, comfy and soft natural jersey knit cotton - throw it in the wash and dry it. Perfect for newborns through preschoolers - cradle carry, front carry, back carry, hip carry - omg it is orgasmic.
I have Astrid in here most of the day and she just snoozes and nurses. I bought it mainly because she comes with me to every Matilda Jane show that I do- as she nurses exclusively and well, I cannot leave her, and I need to be hands free. She sleeps through every show and is content as can be.
So, if you are expecting, have recently had a baby, or in the market for a baby gift - we give it 4 thumbs up!
Last Friday, I literally and very physically threw Eloise unto the school bus. This was after carrying her to the bus stop over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes whilst she kicked and hit and screamed.
Yes, my sweet, sweet, quiet Eloise.
After I threw her unto the bus I screamed at the driver to quickly close the doors and saw her sad face in the windows as they drove out of sight.
I then said a quick "bub bye" and wished her a happy day.
What was our fight that caused the 2 year old type temper tantrum in the living room - the stomping, the kicking, the screaming? I wouldn't let her wear her Hello Kitty sweatshirt to school that day - because it was in the wash as she had worn it for 6 days straight.
Okay, it was my fault in the first place for buying her the Hello Kitty sweatshirt for $12.99 at Target after a fit of not wanting to wear her Mini Boden fleece because NOBODY else wears a fleece like THAT - they all wear cheap Target fleece and she wants to look like EVERYBODY else. Sheep.
So I caved and bought her the sweatshirt and it has been the cause of daily stress and fights since.
So I said "bub bye" to the ol' HK sweatshirt that day as I threw it away. If I were a smoker and had access to a lighter, I may have just burned it at the stake in the front yard that day just to make a point.
So now I make her wear the non comforming Mini Boden sweatshirt and make an evil laughing sound as she puts it on each morning.
I mean it's not like I am making her wear a one piece snowsuit on the bus like my mom made me do in the 1st grade. Talk about holy humiliation batman.
I will never forget when one of my best friends called me and said "guess what, we are pregnant!!" And I said "OMG really - with your FORTH!"
I believe I spit out my coffee - FOUR kids, who ever heard of such a thing in Minnesota..as I sat there overwhelmed with my one child. I didn't know anyone with more than 3 kids and 2-3 kids still seems to be the norm around these parts.
As she was a very good friend, I then so very rudely said "on purpose?" She laughed and said "of course....we didn't want someone to have to sit alone on the roller coaster.
I would like to say right now, that my girls do not fight. Eloise and Esther play well together, are sweet as sugar to each other and are each others best friends. They have never, and this is no exaggeration, hit, bit, kicked, yelled at or taken another toy from or had any kind of altercation of any kind with another child, including their sibling...even as a toddler. Their teachers at the preschool conferences would always say "they need to be more assertive!" I said "no thank you - I would be mortified if my child ever hurt another person - even in a toddler rage."
Well, a 3rd child came into our home 2 months ago and my older girls are at each others throats. My word - it really is true that 3 is a crowd and someone is always feeling left out, angry and left in a puddle of tears.
Now, we won't be evening out the score here, so we need to learn to live with 3..but I have really had it up to "here" (raise hand above head about 50" if possible) with their constant bickering. Eloise even PUSHED Esther this week and my head about popped off!
Do you think it is true, this feeling of riding alone on the roller coaster?
If it means that we can all get along, I am happy to be the one riding with the stranger.
It is pretty well known within my family that until 6 years and 10 months ago, I liked cats more than babies.
Then I had my own baby, and my opinion changed.
I never liked babies, never wanted babies, never wanted to be around babies and pretty much ran and very politely and loudly said no if someone dare asked me to hold their baby.
I never babysat and never wanted to babysit. One time, my Aunt Sally made me babysit her baby - yes BABY...my cousin Adam. I think I was 13. Turns out my mom and all of her sisters wanted to go out and looked at me, the lone 13 year old girl and figured I was the perfect candidate to babysit. Really? I could think of 2 million other things I would've been doing at the time. But the money offered must have been good, and they had cable tv, so I agreed.
They never told me that my Aunt Sally CLOTH DIAPERED. Oh yeah, those lovely old fashioned cloth diapers that the pee soaked right through and you had to swish the poop around in the toilet to get off. I was so disgusted. I never babysat again or held a baby again for 20 years.
As a little girl, I didn't really even like other little girls - I preferred to hang out with my mom and her friends drinking coffee in the mornings and martinis in the afternoon.(0kay, my mom worked and didn't drink martinis in the afternoon - but I thought that would be a good story).
So, please imagine my surprise when I had my own baby that I actually really liked her and then had another one and holy moly a 3rd.
My kids rock.
These things are much better than cats I tell you.
However, now with 3 kids and a cat, Donut is definitely not feeling the love.
In the past 2 months, Donut has started acting out to in not so appropriate ways. Believe me, I have had it up to here(raise hand above head about 36") with Donut and his inappropriate behavior. Damn cat.
So last Friday, I packed him up in his carrier and told the family I was taking him to the vet and odds were that Donut would not be back. Sorry, I just couldn't take Donut anymore. No one really deserves Donut.
I met with the vet and I yelled and screamed and cried about Donut and what he has done to our lives the past 2 years. Why, why does he have to be so damn cute and such a pain in my ass. Why?
The Vet did a multitude of medical tests on Donut and suggested that I leave him at the office for day to catch a break. The Vet called at 5 to let me know that Donut was physically in perfect health. I made Jed go pick the damn cat up and pay the $250 vet bill. Damn Cat.
The Vet then called and told me that he believes that Donut has some depression issues and is very upset about the new baby and perhaps his behavior will improve with just a little extra love each day.
So, we are all now giving Donut a little extra love each day. No matter how much it pains us so, we are doing it. ..and believe it or not, it is working. He is a different cat with a pretty sunny disposition and currently no inappropriate behaviors.