Mommy Choices...

One of the big lessons we teach the girls is how to make good choices. We teach them to be independent thinkers - and make choices that will positively effect their lives and others.

In this process, as you know, many bad choices will be made and lessons learned. But with proper parameters set, no one gets hurt and the day goes on.

I also want them to know that as we become "big people" - our daily choices never stop and our bad choices don't either. We are constantly learning until our time here is up.

I made a very bad choice yesterday.

Esther was busy, very busy, playing a favorite game of hers. I had asked her more than once if she needed to go potty to which she replied no. I SHOULD have taken the time to take her to the potty, because I KNEW she had to go, but I was busy - answering emails, shopping the new Naartjie line, reading blogs whilst cooking dinner and doing loads of laundry... Not 10 minutes later, I hear a yell - "Mommy - I went potty - on the floor"...

...now Esther is FOUR and hasn't had an "accident" in well over a year. I was caught completely off guard, shocked, surprised and all of a sudden VERY angry. I ran into the room and starting yelling "How could you - you are FOUR years old - you KNOW better than this - you don't pee on the floor - YOU pee in the potty like ALL big girls - I CANNOT believe you did this." My screaming tirade went on for what seems liked hours...and in those few minutes my Esther, herself turned into a puddle of tears. I threw her in the shower and scrubbed her and clothed her and mopped up the pee(thank goodness for all hardwood floors), and continued my ridiculous anger towards her. She continued to cry and after everything was cleaned up but my anger, she came over to me and looked me in the eyes and said "Mommy, you really hurt my feelings - I know I should always make it to the potty, but I didn't want to leave me game. You shouldn't yell at me."

I grabbed her up in my lap and apologized for my bad choice of yelling at her. I smothered her with kisses and we snuggled for the longest time.

As a mom I feel like I make more bad choices than my kids do at times. Yelling at them being my worst offense. It seems to happen when I feel I have "better" things to do - trying to get some "me" time that they just keep interrupting. Sometimes I think they should be older than they really are and get frustrated when they can't do things that "I" think they should...but they are only little girls.

The girls are working hard on teaching me to make better choices. I learned quite a big lesson yesterday.

Thank you Esther.

xoxo,t

Post Edit - I guess I also shouldn't cast stones. As someone who is 6+ months pregnant and is suffering from major Spring allergies right now....I sneeze MANY times per day. Yesterday alone I had to change my underpants 5 times. Should I tell my daughters that they will pee their pants more at 40 than they did at 4 or should I just let them find out when they get there?

Easter...

It was nice to celebrate Easter in Florida this year. Nice to have an egg hunt in Easter dresses and sandals versus the snowsuits we usually wear in Minnesota for the occasion. The girls had a great time - and are still on a sugar high from the chocolate and jelly beans. Slowly I will start weaning them off their new found love of sweets so life can resume a normal rhythm again.

We met the bunny. While we "do" the Easter Bunny and Santa a bit - I really, really try not to "overdo" it. Every year, the girls get a basket with candy and a few Santa gifts...but I try not to make a big deal out of it, talk about who the items came from or play up the mystery or illusions of these characters. It's really not that I don't want them to enjoy a time in their lives full of fairies and princesses and scary men in costumes...it's more that I really have a hard time lying to my kids. It feels weird.

If they are to ask me how the baby got in my belly - I will tell them truthfully at this point exactly how it happens...and I talk to them very honestly about death, and sadness and good and bad. So, if they were to point blank ask me if the Bunny is real - I would only have the truth to fall back on.

That being said - when the "Easter Bunny" entered the restaurant - Esther's first words were "it's just a man dressed in a costume." Eloise said she didn't care - she still wanted a hug.

After a lovely Easter Brunch - we proceeded to the beach club lawn to find 4000 eggs scattered about and areas divided by age groups. Eloise's age group was 5-7 year olds - and it was the largest group, the most competitive and the fastest. Those kids ran so fast and furious that the area of 1000 eggs was obliterated within 45 seconds. Eloise was lucky to get her 16 eggs and come out with her life.

Esther's age group was 3-4 years. Her group consisted of about 15 little girls wearing their lovely Easter dresses, bows in their hair, and fancy sandals on their feet. All 15 girls politely and carefully and so dignified placed their 1000's of eggs into their baskets and bags. They spent the next 15 minutes trying to get them all while the rest of the age groups looked on with awe and greed wishing they could just get in there and help.

In the end were lots of smiles for a perfect day with family, the "bunny", lots of eggs, sunshine and candy.

Happy Easter. xoxo,t

Back with a Tan, some hats and travel tips...

We are back. I am busy downloading and editing pictures of the girls, pictures of their clothing of course, some egg hunting and the beach.

While I catch up on life in Minnesota and get my taxes done, here are some pictures of the girls wearing their new hats. Before we left for Florida it was snowing here, and cold. Glad we got to wear them. I have a matching one too - but couldn't find a photog near to capture all of us.

The hats were made by a lovely local lady named Susie. I met her at a Matilda Jane show last month. I meet the most amazing ladies at theses shows. You can find her here. Makes me want to start knitting again...almost.

..and just a quick travel tips for those parents traveling with small children. Don't sit by them. I was a wreck because the 3 of us did not have seats together. When we arrived at the airport, I was able to get Eloise and Esther next to each other, but I was still 9 rows away. Upon entering the aircraft, try as I did, NO ONE sitting near them would switch with me. Tears didn't work, begging and pleading didn't work, cursing didn't work, threatening my children's bad behavior on them didn't work, nor did money.

I trudged off to my seat alone, and opened my book. My book. Whoa - no kids are next to me asking for snacks, dropping their crayons, asking me to read My Little Pony to them, asking for technical help with their LeapPad's. My book - I had a book to read. So I sat there - reading my book - uninterrupted for almost 3 hours. The girls came up once for bathroom help. That was it. The rest, Eloise took care of. She was so proud to help Esther with her snacks, drinks, art projects and read story after story to her.

When we arrived at the airport to go home, I noticed that I was assigned to sit next to them. I quietly and kindly asked the gate agent if she could move me away from them. Unfortunately, the plane was full and I had to be a mom again. I guess vacation was over.

xoxo,t

Spring Break...

With much internal debate(that is fighting with myself) and many discussions with NWA(that is fighting with the airlines), we are going to Florida.

It is snowing in Minnesota today - perhaps going to Florida is a very good thing. I need some sunshine, I need to recharge, I need to relax and restore and refresh.

I also need the snow to be gone by the time we get home.

As Esther says about this weather, "why do we keep having Spring without Flowers?" It shouldn't be this way.

I miss you Papa and know you are happy and at peace.

See you all in a week.

xoxo,t.

...oh and if you see Jed while we are gone, please remind him to feed the cat and scoop the box and maybe run the vacuum a few times this week. It would help my return home immensely.

Traditions...

I haven't really started buying goodies for baby yet. I admit I am a bit superstitious. With my recent history of losses, I still walk on eggshells every moment that I carry this baby. It's a feeling of worry that is hard to explain.

Shopping for her should take my mind off things, but I can't just yet.

Last week Esther came to me and told me she wanted to buy a blanket for the baby. I thought hard and decided that one tiny little blanket shouldn't hurt. It would bring Esther some joy..and maybe me too.

When Eloise was born, I bought her the softest pink blanket I could find. It was from Little Giraffe. She loved it...and still does. When Esther was born, I bought her the softest purple blanket from Little Giraffe. She loved it..and still does.

Tradition called me to drive Esther to the little boutique on the other side of town. We knelt in front of the Little Giraffe blanket display and touched the luxury and admired the colors - yellow, white, blue, green, purple, pink, brown....

Esther said we must choose the Magenta one for the baby as it was the prettiest and brightest. She then rubbed it all over her face the whole way home was squeals of delight caused by it's softness.

I am glad she made me buy something. I have been sleeping with the Magenta Little Giraffe nightly while I pray for this babys' safe and healthy entry into this world. My heart may be heavy, but my mind is a little lighter thinking of this new little miracle coming soon to our family.

xoxo,t

Papa...

This is me with my Grandparents at my Baptism. They were the same age in this picture that I am now - that freaks me out just a bit.

My Papa died very peacefully yesterday morning. In his own home, his own bed with much peace and dignity with loved ones by his side. He was ready I guess. We may not have been...but it's not our choice. Papa had made peace with his fate and was so ready.

I had a dream last night that he and my Grandma were sitting on the couch holding hands and watching Lawrence Welk. Weird for me, but happy for them. I hope they get to do some fishing, are enjoying their weak coffee, and win big at the Laughlin casinos. I wonder what kind of car Papa will buy this year?

Me, I am stuck in reality selfish Hell on Earth desperately wanting and needing to be at his Funeral Mass on Tuesday...sitting here holding 3 plane tickets to Florida for Sunday and desperately wanting some sunshine and a Spring Break vacation for me and the girls, while talking on the phone with the airline all night and getting nowhere except having to pay $1000++ if I want to change my tickets. I wish my Papa was here to go kick some butt for me right now.

xoxo, t