New Year Still Me...Just Wrinklier

I had prepared a very eloquent post about how awesome I was in 2009 and how awesome my year was and how I use the word awesome like it is still 1985 - back when I was awesome.

But it was all a bunch of bullshit, so I deleted it.

Don't get me wrong, my year was good - I had a baby and all - which is awesome, but I also lost a grandparent and the economy was kind of a downer, and both girls transitioned to new schools and my arms just SUCK compared to Michelle Obama's and she is such a show-off.

I have spent the year trying on clothing at JCrew, and it just looks so much better on her than me. That is like so not awesome.

What I do want to do is look forward to my 42nd year on this planet. Sure, I am hopeful for another 76 years at least, but taking reality into consideration, I know that life IS short. This blog has helped me learn that I don't want to waste it. This blog has brought me links and friends from near and far. This blog has introduced me to people I never would've met otherwise. This blog has opened my eyes, my heart, and my mind.

I have learned that it is okay to not know exactly who I am at 41, and that I can still define myself every day.

I do know that for 2010, I want to be true to myself - to use my blog for only good and not evil, and to be honest and put myself out there and embrace my vulnerability. It's okay not to be perfect - and I have been perfecting that for a very long time.

And I just want to love, accept and forgive more - and focus on the important names I go by - Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Friend, Niece, Granddaughter, Neighbor. The rest doesn't matter so much. We are all really the same.

Life is too short - for grudges and hate and discrimination and stupidity. And I can be a real bitch, so thank you for still liking me.

xoxo,t

The Best Present I Never Got...

Yesterday, Jed brought a paper grocery bag up to the bedroom. When he came downstairs, there was white boxed item with a red bow around it inside the covert bag.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nothing" he replied, "just some Christmas returns."

I continued "But what is the white box that hasn't been opened?"

"Nothing" he replied again "Just a shirt I am returning."

"Unopened? - that is strange - how do you know it's a shirt?" I prodded some more.

He shouted "Fine, it's a MacBook that I bought for you for Christmas that you don't want so I am taking it back."

And he stormed out of the house.

I stared into my coffee and wondered what the cotton pickin F that was all about.

What MacBook? Did I open a MacBook and not realize it, and upon opening the MacBook scream "holy shit, why did you buy me this piece of garbage? Return it immediately!" Did I say that? Had I ever seen said MacBook?

I was mystified by this scene that just took place in my home.

I am not completely sure WHY he bought me the MacBook, WHY it was never presented to me on Christmas, WHY it was returned after Christmas while being cleverly disguised in a grocery bag, or WHY this exchange ever took place that is now killing me slowly.

This is my life.

Turns out that I have casually said to him that I don't really need a new computer. Well of course I don't really "need" a new computer. Mine is only 8 years old, I have to whack the screen for it to appear every 10 minutes or so, I have to squint and tilt it just so to see it and only 5-6 letters stick on the keyboard. But it is just fine.

Of course it's fine, I am a woman and everything is "just fine." I am that Mom who has lost a leg, my arm is dangling off, my eye is squirting out blood, I am having a stroke, my teeth are falling out and I say "oh I am just fine dear, it's just a little cold coming on ..let me fix you a little snack"..and while doing that I vacuum a bit on my way to the kitchen and I throw a load of laundry in, AND I have a baby hanging off my boob...but everything is just FINE just like my computer. All the while my husband is scratching his balls, thinking he has a sniffle and should probably go up to bed to rest a bit before it gets too bad.

This is my life.

xoxo, t

Astrid 5 months...A letter from Mom

Dear Astrid,

You are 5 months old. Can you believe it?

Gosh it's been a long 5 months. Time is not flying by as it is suppose to. As people say it will. Time is taking forever because you cry too much. Really.

And it is annoying and you need to get over it.

You were my 2nd crankiest child a few months back, but now you have won the award. Are you happy now? Can we move on to greener pastures?

Why do you have to hate everyone but me(and your sisters) and the cat? Why oh why do you like the cat? Really?

I love that you love me but my goodness, get over yourself. I have never seen such a baby with attitude. You raise your eyebrows and smirk. Smirk. You are 5 months old and do not deserve the bitchy attitude of a 7 year old. You don't.

You still wake-up 4 times per night and I let you. No you aren't hungry. Just bitchy. You just have more complaints you need to register that you weren't able to fit in that day.

I tried to start you on solid food, but it turns out your digestive system is bitchy too and you cannot tolerated anything but breast milk and now you aren't allowed other food or liquids until you are like 12. Whatever.

You take 5 or 6 annoying 20 minute naps per day and then complain about how tired you are between the naps. On the rare occasion you sleep for 2 hours I am like "I told you so" because you are actually happy for 20 minutes after that nap. TWENTY WHOLE MINUTES!!

You still sleep next to me because I am too lazy to get you a bed and you are warm. I promise to not tell your boyfriends that you are still sleeping next to me and nursing at 12. It will be our little secret.

Problem is, when you wake-up, even for the forth time - I melt when I see your sweet face and look into your eyes.

You are the best present I have ever received and that is why I put up with you.

You are my baby and will be incessantly spoiled for your whole life and I am okay with that.

You just need to stop being a bitch.

k?
Love, Mom

Scenes from a Christmas...

We stayed home this year and were treated to a Christmas Storm.

What a great present. I love snow, lots of snow, especially when you can just stay home and play with toys.

...cause if you've no place to go...let it snow, let is snow, let it snow...

..and it did.

This year, we opened our home to a few family members that casually stopped by on their weary trip North and to good friends with whom we shared a meal.

It was quiet and perfect and filled with happy faces.


I think this tradition will likely continue.

xoxo,t

Skating...

xoxo,t

Merry Christmas...

Can you tell who has been naughty and who has been nice?

xoxo,t