Friday, April 17, 2009

Mommy Choices...

One of the big lessons we teach the girls is how to make good choices. We teach them to be independent thinkers - and make choices that will positively effect their lives and others.

In this process, as you know, many bad choices will be made and lessons learned. But with proper parameters set, no one gets hurt and the day goes on.

I also want them to know that as we become "big people" - our daily choices never stop and our bad choices don't either. We are constantly learning until our time here is up.

I made a very bad choice yesterday.

Esther was busy, very busy, playing a favorite game of hers. I had asked her more than once if she needed to go potty to which she replied no. I SHOULD have taken the time to take her to the potty, because I KNEW she had to go, but I was busy - answering emails, shopping the new Naartjie line, reading blogs whilst cooking dinner and doing loads of laundry... Not 10 minutes later, I hear a yell - "Mommy - I went potty - on the floor"... Esther is FOUR and hasn't had an "accident" in well over a year. I was caught completely off guard, shocked, surprised and all of a sudden VERY angry. I ran into the room and starting yelling "How could you - you are FOUR years old - you KNOW better than this - you don't pee on the floor - YOU pee in the potty like ALL big girls - I CANNOT believe you did this." My screaming tirade went on for what seems liked hours...and in those few minutes my Esther, herself turned into a puddle of tears. I threw her in the shower and scrubbed her and clothed her and mopped up the pee(thank goodness for all hardwood floors), and continued my ridiculous anger towards her. She continued to cry and after everything was cleaned up but my anger, she came over to me and looked me in the eyes and said "Mommy, you really hurt my feelings - I know I should always make it to the potty, but I didn't want to leave me game. You shouldn't yell at me."

I grabbed her up in my lap and apologized for my bad choice of yelling at her. I smothered her with kisses and we snuggled for the longest time.

As a mom I feel like I make more bad choices than my kids do at times. Yelling at them being my worst offense. It seems to happen when I feel I have "better" things to do - trying to get some "me" time that they just keep interrupting. Sometimes I think they should be older than they really are and get frustrated when they can't do things that "I" think they should...but they are only little girls.

The girls are working hard on teaching me to make better choices. I learned quite a big lesson yesterday.

Thank you Esther.


Post Edit - I guess I also shouldn't cast stones. As someone who is 6+ months pregnant and is suffering from major Spring allergies right now....I sneeze MANY times per day. Yesterday alone I had to change my underpants 5 times. Should I tell my daughters that they will pee their pants more at 40 than they did at 4 or should I just let them find out when they get there?


Heather said...

sometimes being a mommy is so hard isn't it? but i guess we have to cut ourselves some slack as we are human. maybe that is a lesson for the girls as well, that we grown ups sometimes let our temper tantrums sneak out. and then we apologize. just like they do.

p.s. i've mentioned at times that "leaks" can happen. not so much for the girls but more for the daddy who just doesn't get it and gives them are harder time than they deserve.

Michelle said...

love you T. And they will love you for apologizing.

Melanie said...

Thanks for the honesty of your post, I can totally relate! How selfish we can become at times & take things out on our kids. I'm so thankful my kids are so quick to forgive me when I say I'm sorry!

We also focus on teaching our kids to make right choices, to use self-control (especially when it comes to words & attitude), and to think of others first...and I have often realized when I get most irritated by something my kids do, I am generally putting myself first...

But I do think part of learning how to make good choices is learning how to deal with the bad ones we we HAVE to mess up every now & then so we can model the appropriate response!

And regarding the sneezy pee...I'd say some things are better left as surprises!

Anonymous said...

you really are the best T...this could be me on any given day, and don't tell the gurls about the pee....just let them be surprised! rotf!

Amanda M. said...

Boy, I could have written that. Maybe just not as eloquently.
I've definitely learned lessons in this way, too. And I keep learning them every single day.
This was such a well-written post. Thanks so much for sharing it.

Ginny said...

Raising children IS NOT an easy task - whew!! The girls are so well behaved. You've done such a good job. These are the easy years - they will push you to the limit many times before adulthood happens. You are so perceptive to their needs and personalities, all will be well!! That peeing issue is another story - you don't have to be 4 or PG - just a woman!

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