I call dibs...

Whenever Astrid is not in her bouncy or enjoying her plush pink blankie, Donut steps in to keep it warm for her. He is such a "great" cat.(not)
xoxo,t

Reality Bites...

I love to nurse and am one of those moms who obsessively nurses my kids F.O.R.E.V.E.R....and since this is my last baby, I think she will be 12 when we stop, thankyouverymuch.

However, I always forget how bad that first week is.

When this sweet innocent face and light 6 pound baby starts coming towards your nipples. Instead of seeing your sweet baby and having soft coos of love streaming from your voice of new motherhood, and enjoying the pleasures of nursing a newborn....what you actually see is...

...THIS. ..and as their open mouth comes closer to you, you close your eyes in wait for the pain, and as they latch-on - your toes curl, your legs come out from under you and you scream every curse word you have ever learned. It is a very special bonding moment. The best part is you get to repeat it at least 8 more times that day. Have I mentioned how much I love Vicodin?

xoxo,t

On her first day home...

I dressed her in a newborn Baby Lulu onesie that was still too big. She tried to catch a glimpse of the ruffles on her bum and wondered what the hell she was in for.

She was welcomed home to laughter and kisses by 2 very excited big girls.

After she pooped all over her outfit with the ruffle bum, she got naked and was able to relax a bit. So she took it easy all afternoon. Caught a few zzz's and her big sisters read almost every book they owned to her....

...on our new porch.. I love our new porch.Then us big girls celebrated with my homemade Minnie Mouse pancakes. It was a very good day indeed.

The End.
xoxo,t

Do you have one of those Kids...

...who doesn't keep secrets or keep things private? Their report cards always say something like "she is very talkative and animated...she is quite a story teller."

Esther's new sister combined with her mommy's surgery and now nursing is adding so many darling additions to her vocabulary and repertoire.

Words fall quickly from her mouth. The same sentence will contain information like "I love fruit, did you know that our Donut cat loves the color red, and my new baby sucks from my mom's nipples and mommy has staples on her belly." ..and then she rides off on her scooter.

As her Uncle Troy told her once "Esther, you are very random."

Indeed. Very adorably random. We love you for it.

xoxo,t

The Simple Woman's Daybook, July 27

For Today, July 27,2009...

Outside my window... Cranes and construction. That is my lovely view from my hospital window. Doesn't matter though - my view is just perfect inside my room.

I am thankful for... Everything. My family, friends, nurses, doctors, the fine barista at Starbucks in the hospital lobby. It is all good

From the kitchen... one more day of NO COOKING...can I get a woot woot!

I am wearing... Oh my, a very sexy hospital issued nursing gown with those lovely slits in front to reveal your sexy jiggly tummy and large leaking breasts. It's so hot. I don't wear my own clothing in the hospital. I would rather ooze on the good ol' hospital issue stuff.

I am reading... Julie and Julia by Julie Powell. FANTASTIC!!

I am hoping... For a smooth transition home today. I am ready.

I am creating...A thank you note list.

Around the house...I imagine the girls are waking up and getting so excited to have their baby sister home today.

One of my favorite things... That newborn baby smell.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Trying my best to take it easy. Enjoy every minute with my girls. Taking lots of pictures. Taking lots of Vicodin.

Here is a picture that I am sharing with you... eyes wide open...2 days old

To read more Daybook posts or to learn how to participate visit The Simple Woman's Daybook...and Grandmother wren during the Summer.

I fell in love yesterday...

(just some quick iphone pictures to share)

Announcing Astrid Michelle

July 23, 2009 12:22pm

6 pounds 11 ounces

20" long

...yes, she was born on Thursday, but it was yesterday that I completely fell in total unconditional love though.

Sure, I loved her in my belly...feeling her kicks and hearing her heartbeat and seeing her ultrasounds. Being part of my body.

Sure, when the nurse held her over the screen following surgery for me to see the first time, I did love her then and couldn't wait to get to recover to properly hold her and smell her.

Sure, on her first full day I loved her when I was in so much pain to completely enjoy her and just waiting my next dose of narcotics, when I still couldn't leave my bed, when I had many visitors to see her and didn't get much quality time with her - I still loved her.

But yesterday, I fell in love.

Yesterday, I had time to myself with her. We took gentle time to nurse. I completely undressed her and laid her on her soft blanket and inspected and rubbed every inch of her beautiful body. She looked at me and followed my soft voice as I sang to her. We talked about our dreams and about love and nature and everything that was so perfect in this world because she was in it. How complete she made me and our family. We kissed and snuggled and smelled each other - taking each other completely in like new lovers. It was perfect. She is perfect and her mommy is smitten with her forever.

xoxo, t

Yesterday at 1pm my Phone Rang...

..it was my doctor..

Dr. Turner: "Hi Tracy, how are you today"

Me: "Oh fine, just busy busy busy preparing for tomorrow"

Dr. Turner: "Oh yes, about that. Well, I have a possible schedule conflict and was wondering if you could do Monday instead"

Me: ...silence...thinking to self...does she think this is a hair appointment that is this easy to reschedule with less than 24 hours notice? tell me she didn't just say those words to me?

Dr. Turner: "Tracy, are you there?"

Me: "Are you serious? Really, are you completely serious? You are calling a lady who is 9 months pregnant, who has been put through hell for 2 weeks of ultrasounds, appointments, worry and tests AND who was given a SET date to have this baby. I have arranged baby sitters, play dates, an Aunt is flying in to be with my girls, my husband has taken 2 days off of work, I am packed, my bags are at the door to load in the car, I am drinking 4 pots of coffee today to make up for the coffee that I CANNOT drink tomorrow morning, my toenails are painted, I have cleaned my house top to bottom, I have already groomed down there as well as I can and cannot redo that again with this belly in the way and you cannot make me. Sure, I didn't have time yet to have my hair appointment...my ends are shot and my gray is pervasive and I know the ladies on the maternity floor are going to be all 'who is the grandma pushing the bassinet' with my gray hair the way it is and all, and they can bite me. And, I know that I am no Martha Stewart as I did not go grocery shopping to stock up for my family while I am gone for 4 days, nor did I bake cookies or prepare organized and well stock meals, nor did I even think about that because you know why - my husband is almost 40 and knows where to buy food, take-out and perhaps boil a noodle or two. And if my friends are thinking of taking pity of them and bringing them meals in my absence - well they should think about waiting until I am home with baby if they were real friends. Furthermore, I have done THE most important thing - I have laid out and properly labeled complete outfits for the girls for each day I am gone, along with back-ups as I do not want my children mismatched and improperly dressed. That would be more than I can handle, and would cause me great stress and concern."

Dr. Turner: "So, we will see you at 8am then tomorrow as previously scheduled"

Me: "That sounds perfect"

xoxo,t

Dear Eloise & Esther...

This is the last day of just the Eloise and Esther show. Tomorrow there will be three of you. Three sisters. How lucky I am.

For the past 4 years, I have watched your relationship with awe, love and so much pride. You both are beautiful, giving, loving, caring, sweet, special and amazing little girls. You are each other's best friends, playmates and soul mates. You do almost everything together and miss each other dearly when apart.

Having never had a sister, I cherish your relationship just as I have watched in awe at my mom's family with 6 sisters. Oh how we women hold each other up, nurture each other, and love each other whether we are 6 or 60.

I am so proud of you both.

You have been so excited these past many months waiting your new sister's arrival. I cannot wait to introduce you tomorrow. I can already see how she is going to fit right in to your little club. I can see her sleeping between you two in the bed you already share. Seeing 3 spooning little bodies in the Winter's cold nights. I can see you including her in your dress-up games, your fairy princess balls and your proper tea parties. Holding hands for walks through the neighborhoods. Sharing her toddlerhood of discovery.

Eloise and Esther, you have changed my life in a way I could never describe. You both are just pure happiness for me bottled up in the most beautiful girls I have ever known.

Thank you for making motherhood so amazing and for sharing your sisterhood with me.

I love you,
Mom

38 weeks and 2 days to go....

(thank you so much for the picture, Kristi's sister Heather)

I think that if your belly button is now sticking out, your breasts are leaking, you cannot bother to groom "down there" when you go to the pool in your swimsuit and little kids run away from you in fear, when you change your own undies at least 4 times a day because of your lack of bladder control, and you are so constipated that you cannot distinguish gas pains from contractions, then you should go into labor immediately. Just a thought.

And guys, if that sentence bothered you or made you squeamish in anyway, than that means you should really be nice to your wives/girlfriends when they are pregnant, and also bring them really nice presents to the hospital when they have the baby. I am just giving you a nice reminder, because I know you guys need that sometime. Not that I am saying all this for selfish reasons, I am just saying...

But I only have 2 more days to talk about being pregnant, so I am going to use my time wisely and for selfish, personal reasons. Thank you very much.

xoxo,t

The Simple Woman's Daybook, July 20, 2009...

For Today, July 20,2009...the YES I AM STILL PREGNANT(YELLING) EDITION...

Outside my window... Birds and a sunrise and newly weeded gardens.

I am thinking...that after spending 2 hours weeding and tending to my garden yesterday, that I really deserved to go into labor.

I am thankful for... Kristi and Heather for coming to take some belly pics for me yesterday. I can't wait to see and share them all.

From the kitchen... hahahahahehehehe...coffee.

I am wearing... actually pretty cute jammies this morning. I need to get in the shower and get going to another ultrasound this morning so I will change into something soon

I am reading... nothing right now - but did watch 2 movies this weekend. I took the girls to see "Ice Age 3" Oh my it was awful. I am not a fan of kids movies anyway, but this movie was just annoying. Eloise had to keep telling me to stop yelling at the screen. I rented Doubt last night - quite shallow and boring. I feel like they could've/should've done more with it.

I am hoping... this is my last ultrasound before baby.

I am creating...I finished the pillows and bench cushion for the porch. I really need a place to keep my sewing machine out all of the time. Now I need to tackle getting baby's few things out of tubs and put somewhere. She won't have a room /nursery for awhile, so a hallway is where her stuff is. Her current bed will be in my arms or in a laundry basket.

Around the house...I plan for a deep clean this week before going into the hospital for her scheduled birth on Thursday.

One of my favorite things... Good friends and neighbors for volunteering to take this girls this week when we go to the hospital.

A few plans for the rest of the week... finalizing her name. We are really stuck right now. Giving birth, cleaning, a few trip to the pool for the girls.

Here is a picture that I am sharing with you...

Yesterday in our new porch...fully pregnant, with my "3" favorite little girls.

To read more Daybook posts or to learn how to participate visit The Simple Woman's Daybook...and Grandmother wren during the Summer.

Just imagine...

Esther drew this picture on Monday. She has been carrying it around with her all week. She has been asking me for an envelope so she can mail it to her friend, Emilia.

I told her that I didn't think it was appropriate material to send to a 4 year old and to go draw a kitten for Emilia.

She asked me what was so wrong with a rainbow cowgirl boot.
xoxo,t

When you die...

..please don't leave your ashes to me. I just cannot be held responsible for what may happen with them. It's not that I don't love you, honor you and miss you deeply. Weird things just happen to ashes in my home.

Of course, this post touched a few nerves - that my girls really wanted to see/touch Grandma's and Wilshire's(my cat) ashes and to put them together for all eternity...and yes, I let them. I am not sure what caused more controversy - that we touched their ashes, remembered them fondly, and talked about life and death and love...or that part of my Grandma now resides with a cat. She hated cats - I mean, REALLY did not like cats. Especially my cat, because he would torment her when she came over. He was really, really mean and spiteful. Especially to people who didn't like him.

Anyway. Moving on.

As you may remember, my dear Papa died in April. My mom went up and helped to clean out my grandparents home of 55 years. When she came back to my house, besides a few small things she gave me of sentiment from them, she also gave me a box of canned goods from his pantry of items that I use. In this box of FOOD items, was a small baby bottle. NOT having a label on it NOR having anyone tell me what it was, I ASSUMED it was a FOOD item - my guess - cinnamon/sugar to be exact..and I put it in my spice cabinet to use...as we love cinnamon/sugar toast in our home.

Fast forward to July - I am at my parents home and low and behold there is a small baby bottle on a shelf in my mom's bedroom - ironically just like my baby bottle of cinnamon/sugar that is in my spice cabinet at home. How strange. As I stood staring at this bottle, my mom comes in the room and says "oh, I have been meaning to ask you, did you find the baby bottle of GRANDPA's ASHES in your box of canned goods?"

"Oh, yes mom we did and we would have been enjoying him ON OUR TOAST had someone requested cinnamon toast for breakfast in the past 2 months. Thank goodness NO ONE has!!!!!"

Upon our arrival home, my first order of business was to remove my Papa from my spice cabinet and put him with Grandma..and the cat.

xoxo, t

37++ weeks

The good news is that at 37 weeks I can still see my feet. Notice the new pedicure. I thought I should have nice toenails for the delivery.

The bad news is that at 37 weeks the baby is still inside of me. My other babies came at 36 and 37 weeks respectively. I am not a patient person. I am hot and huge and really, really bitchy. (Jed can attest to this). This will evidently be my stubborn child.

It's been a long week of doctor appointments. Last week I had lost 2 pounds and 2 inches from my belly. I had an ultrasound showing very low fluid, so my doctor sent me to another ultrasound the next day to measure the baby, check her vitals and check to see if she was "practicing breathing" - basically to see if she is okay to come out and meet us. Turns out she is huge(well in my baby standards) - she is 6 pounds, healthy and "breathing". However, my fluid was measured again and while low - not alarmingly low..so my doctor decided to let her cook for another week. Yesterday I had another ultrasound and my fluid is even lower again..so I go back to my doctor this morning for a decision.

My current c-section is scheduled for July 25th..so I am hoping we can move this up as I am now stressed about baby...and did I mention I am hot and huge and bitchy?

xoxo,t

The Simple Woman's Daybook July 13, 2009

For Today, July 13,2009...

Outside my window... The sun is rising. You can already tell it is later in the morning. How does that happen so quickly.

I am thinking... about my ultrasound today...again. Hope all is well and perhaps we will meet baby this week.

I am thankful for... my friends coming to visit this week from Europe. This is always a July treat for me that I look forward to every year. I hope that one year I can go back to visit them.

From the kitchen... I think I have decided to take the Summer off from cooking. Really. done. Still done.

I am wearing... my lovely blue t-shirt nightie from Target Boutique.

I am reading... Blue Diary by Alice Hoffman.

I am hoping...the girls enjoy pottery camp this week. I wish I could go to pottery camp.

I am creating...new phone/contact lists for Matilda Jane. The season starts in one month and I need to get BUSY! Speaking of Matilda Jane, Denise shared a picture of the girls on her blog this morning.

Around the house...the girls have created a city - their homes, their school, their shops. They play together so well. I could watch for hours.

One of my favorite things... The anniversary sale at Nordstrom's. We went and pre-shopped for back to school shoes yesterday.

A few plans for the rest of the week... pottery camp, ultrasound, dinner with my visiting friends...wishing for a baby to come....

Here is a picture that I am sharing with you...

To read more Daybook posts or to learn how to participate visit The Simple Woman's Daybook...and Grandmother wren during the Summer.

Thongs Anyone?

I grew-up calling these thongs.

Anyone else with me on this? I never even heard the word "flip-flops" until I met Jed 11 years ago. I had assumed the term flip-flop was an East Coast thing and just moved on merrily with my life.

In my house growing up, thongs were shoes meant for scummy showers and beaches only. I had a blue pair of thongs that were only worn when camping, using public showers or for walking from your car to the ocean. That was it.

Thongs were not a fashion statement, and certainly not everyday footwear. Thank god.

..and I am sorry, but thongs are not comfortable. I hate them. I have noticed the past few years, EVERYBODY I know wears them everywhere they go? Believe me, I have tried to be a sheep and wear them too - have tried numerous pairs on..but they hurt and feel frickin' weird between my toes. Seriously annoying. How can these be comfortable for everyday wear? You can't even run in them. As a mom, I find the need to run after things and kids daily. As a kid, well, they just need to run.

My girls BEGGED me to buy them some - so I did. They hate them and have asked why their friends like them. I love my girls.

Am I alone in calling them thongs? Is flip-flop now the only acceptable term? Sometimes I just like to call them thongs to make people giggle.

All I know if that I will never convert....by wearing them or changing their name.

Now, you want a comfortable thong - I started wearing these 10 years ago and will never go back to panty lines again. LOVE them. This is a thong I can stand "behind" and completely recommend.

xoxo,t

Only four and a half years later...

...we have a proper front porch. The picture of it before just makes me cringe. How did it so easily turn into our storage/dumping ground?

I think our 100 year old home is happy now. How could it not be happy with a porch with that shade of yellow on the walls.

How fun to leave the door open all day yesterday with the front porch greeting me and beckoning family and visitors alike.

How fun to already play games out there.

I even got to read a magazine, drink a cup of coffee, and put up my feet out there yesterday.

Today, my goal is a nap on the porch.

Tomorrow my goal is to finish making the new couch cushions, throw pillows and curtains.

Come over today and join me for a lemonade if you are in the area.
xoxo,t

Feeling more Prepared...

..and a bit triumphant.

My minor breakdown a few weeks ago has subsided and I have moved forward. I have prepared a bit for baby and it feels good.

In the past few weeks, Esther and I have triumphantly tackled a few baby stores, my mother generously helped with my stroller that I desperately wanted and knew Jed would have a coronary if he saw the price for the Italian luxury it will provide. (if I could only prove to him it is the Ducati of stollering?)
Generous friends have donated their new car seats, bouncy seats, play mats and love, and lended their co-sleepers so baby won't be sleeping in a dresser drawer.

Kristi is sewing some nursing covers and custom burb clothes.

My dad has dropped off delicately packaged swaddling blankets, sheets and onesies.

It does seem to take a village and I am ever so thankful for mine.

The essentials have been purchased - the diapers, wipes, sling, pump, nursing pads, those "other" pads.

Her wardrobe is of course quite complete and gorgeous.

My camera has been cleaned, my lenses are ready.

Kristi and I have begun designing the announcements.

A name had been picked - then debated - then named again - then vetoed by the girls - then discussed at length - then perhaps settled?

I feel ready.

Sure, we don't have a vehicle yet to fit 3 kids in - minor details still to iron out. I guess one of them can take turns staying home...or I can ride in the trunk.

Most importantly, I still need to sneak in my haircut, color and pedicure before delivery. A fabulous bottle of wine to bring to the hospital still needs to be packed.

Any day now, she is welcome to join us? Today perhaps?
xoxo,t

The Simple Woman's Daybook, July 7th...

For Today, July 7,2009...

Outside my window... birds chirping, flowers that need to be watered.

I am thinking... about Michael Jackson - yeah, I know. Sorry when I was in Jr High and High School, he really rocked my world. Loved him. So sad.

I am thankful for... for family and what a nice trip home I had. I wish I could see my brother and family more often.

From the kitchen... I think I have decided to take the Summer off from cooking. Really. done.

I am wearing... nothing. Just showered and still trying to gather energy to walk upstairs for clothing.

I am reading... My Sister's Keeper. Very sad.

I am hoping...that everything is okay with my ultrasound tomorrow. I've lost 2 lbs and 2 inches in the past 3 weeks and am having a bit of a deja vu from my pregnancy with Eloise.

I am creating...nothing - I spent the last 2 evenings sick and can't get off of the couch. Well, I guess I am still creating a baby. That will have to suffice for the next few weeks.

Around the house...the new porch is painted and we have porch stuff all over our living room. Until the paint dries, no visitors please.

One of my favorite things... Sunflowers.

A few plans for the rest of the week... play dates, getting my camera fixed, ultrasound, t-ball, unpacking.

Here is a picture that I am sharing with you...

To read more Daybook posts or to learn how to participate visit The Simple Woman's Daybook...and Grandmother wren during the Summer.

How I knew I wasn't in the City anymore...

Don't get me wrong - I love my small town upbringing and I love visiting my family and friends in that small town. I love that there are places all over this country for people to live where they love - the lakes, the mountains, the farms, the lofts, the country, the city, and burbs and the small towns. I just also know that I am not "small town" anymore and much prefer my city living. I like my close neighbors, my sidewalks, my schools, museums, shops and coffee in close proximity. I am happy with my choices and circumstance.

And really, I am okay with going home once a year to see men without shirts driving in their pick-up trucks, smoking, with a hula girls shakin' it on their dashes, hearing that Obama is the anti-christ, and looking for a place to park my horses. Really. Now how to convince my family and friends to come visit more often and appreciate my non-church going, lesbian, making-out neighbors, and a good cup of coffee??

To each their own I guess. God bless America.
xoxo,t

Independence...

...my job as a teenager. Gaining it, living it, wondering what the hell I was thinking at times, and so grateful that you can never go back.....

My parents are too - I want to thank them though for putting up with me and accepting my Boy George make-up, my Cindi Lauper clothing, my Madonna lace, and of course, my Michael Jackson Glove I wore. Perhaps they are just thankful that "I" never got arrested during this time and would like to think of myself as just in the "wrong place at the wrong time" for most of my teenage years thank you very much. Perhaps not.

22 years ago - that lovely group of ladies pictured above went their separate ways Independently into the world. Fitting that after 22 years we meet near this holiday. Many of us hadn't seen each other or spoken since we left our high school and teenage years behind. Many of us, now at this age can't remember much of what we did in high school, nor anyone who was there with us.(speaking mainly for myself here).

We spent the weekend talking about our silly choices as teens, the trouble and joy we shared at the time, the boyfriends who hurt us, the girlfriends we hurt, the parents we lied to and the teachers we laughed at...and quickly moved on to our lives as women - our marriages, our divorces, our children, our losses and loves.

Independence. We all successfully found that early in life. I think our parents must be so proud.
xoxo,t