Dear Diary...

I have a confession. I can only tell you, as so many others would not understand..and I want to be truthful. I feel like a bad mom..well, because I don't want to volunteer at school. Really, I don't want to. Last month when I got all of the school paperwork, there was that dreaded volunteer form...ugh, I hated filling it out. Especially in the section where they say "list your special talents that you can contribute to our school.." NONE..I have NONE..and I want NONE..here, can I write a check instead..really? I don't want special talents - nor do I know what a special talent is? I don't do crafts, speak a foreign language, write poetry or play the drums. I do ebay..can I teach kids to sell stuff on ebay? Wouldn't that be hoot..but ya know, I really don't want a special talent - because then they WOULD call me to volunteer and I don't want to....really I don't want to.

There are many reasons why I don't want to volunteer:

1. I pay tuition - a lot of it - can't you pay/hire people to do those "special talent" thingys? really..I pay good money..hire it out.

2. I have no special talents - nor do I want any, and if I did have any..if I taught them to all of the kids, it wouldn't be so special anymore, would it?

3. I send my kids to school so they are AWAY from me - so I have my special "mommy lonely" time..I like mommy lonely time..why after dropping my kids off at school would I then GO to their school to see them again..really, why? Oh, right..I want to be at school to see what is really going on and to see my kids in that element..ya know, really I am okay not knowing. I know when I was a kid I was glad my mom worked full-time and didn't spend time spying on me at school. Really. Somehow I just trust that it is all good and I don't need to be one of those parents overseeing what they are doing/not doing, whatever..and hey, they are AWAY from me..it is all good.

4. Kids scare me. Really, they do. I don't know what to say to them..especially the crazy 9 year old boys who act like monkeys. They scare me and I would rather not be around them for long periods of time.

5. I like my kids - but I am just not too fond of other peoples kids. There I said it. My kids are gorgeous, witty, smart, perfect in every way..and all those others..well they aren't.(okay, now Diary..you know I am exaggerating here a bit..but hear me out..this is how I really feel.) I was never one of those kids who liked babysitting...EVER..when I was 13 and had to babysit a few times..I would just stare at these 3 year olds like "what in the world am I suppose to do with them..they aren't fun?" I didn't like to play kid games and run around in circles and listen to Old MacDonald. I didn't get it and swore when I grew-up I would never have kids..because well, they were kids..such strange beings. So, I never really babysat, avoided children at all costs, and when I was planning for my career - believe me it never ONCE crossed my mind to go into teaching, become a nurse, go into social work or become a prison warden for that matter. I only looked at careers that would have me talking to adults ALL day every day. I never changed other people's kids diapers, I never held a newborn, or wanted to hold a newborn. Kids had icky snotty noses, puked and pooped everywhere...what was the allure. Well, I had my kids and their snot, puke and poop were like flowers..perfect, beautiful and lovely..but not so much with the rest of the child population. Anyway, volunteering at school just doesn't fit for me. Whew..got that out.

6. Children don't appreciate my whit and sarcasm. Sometimes I say inappropriate things and think it is funny..and well, most 'school folk' just don't get it. Nothing bad..just things like "if you don't eat that carrot I will lock you in the coat closet" or "here eat this chocolate and let's not tell your mom." It is not like I am serious or anything - but kids don't get it and more important teachers and staff have an issue with it.

Well, Diary - thank you for letting me get this off of my chest today. Can you tell they made me volunteer at school today - in the cafeteria..pretty much SCHOOL VOLUNTEER HELL - the place the put us parents when we have no "special talents" to share with the group - nice.