Tuesday, May 27, 2008

You can't Always Get what you Want..

a.k.a The grass is always greener, life sucks and then you die, I don't like being different...

...The Girl with the Curl...

Last week, I was downloading some pictures of the girls(shocking news) with Eloise on my lap to help, and as the pictures came on my screen...Eloise just started crying. When I asked her what was wrong...she said.."just look at those pictures and all of the curls in my hair. They are everywhere and make my hair look like such a mess and just crazy everywhere."

But Eloise, I said...your curls are beautiful and you are so blessed to have curly hair. Her response to me was that ONLY she had curly hair...mommy, daddy and Esther all have straight hair and she hated looking so different from us. I pointed out that Esther has blue eyes and blond hair...while the rest of us have dark hair and dark eyes..so she looks different too...but that didn't matter...Eloise doesn't want to have curly hair her whole life.

Everybody is different. We've read the books, we've seen tv shows, we've talked about it...different skin, different hair, different languages, different abilities...but we are all just people, and so much the same. It's okay to be different.

...but when it is YOU who feels you are different, that is a whole different story.

It doesn't matter what I tell her - "how lucky she is to have curly hair, how beautiful curly hair it, how she will feel different about it when she is older and feel blessed to have it..." because, I hate my hair too - it's thin, limp and blah..always has been..always will be...I've accepted that fact and live with that fact, and I guess I am okay with that fact...but I still hate it...so how can I really tell my daughters and convince my daughters that everything about them is simply perfect..and to live their lives with the knowledge that people are perfect, no matter of their differences and be happy with who you are and what you have?


ginny said...

This picture of her says it all. I just want to hold her and give her kisses and hugs. To be 5 and already noticing differences, WOW. No one will handle these types of conversations better than you will. We all go through times in our life when we "wish" something looked different or was different - oh to be happy with who we are (that would be too simple). The individuals with curly hair straighten it - those with straight hair curl it! At least that is something you can change. For me it was "wish I could be taller"! Well, that never happened and now I'M SHRINKING. Life just isn't FAIR!

Melanie said...

such an interesting question you raise here, t!

i definitely want to raise my kids with equal confidence, and i want more than anything to shield them from pain.

it's so challenging to teach them to appreciate what is unique about themselves and others


kari said...

We too have been through this with Georgia, who is 3 1/2 and notices that most of the people she knows have blue eyes and she has brown.

Honestly, I don't think there are any quick and easy answers. As you eluded to, as adults we struggle with this on some level ourselves.

We can read the books and have the talks, but at the end of the day, they just need to know that they are loved for who they are, and that we love ourselves for who we are, faults and all.

I think there is alot to be said for letting kids see our imperfections, saying we are sorry when we mess up (daily) and giving them the opportunities to "make things right" when they have made choices we and they wish they hadn't.....
I did have a place I was going with this thought, but now my kids are fighting and I lost it.

Conversation for another day, but such the stuff of parenting and, "how can I help my children learn this if I'm still learning it myself?"
xxxoooo, kari

Heather said...

I have one curly headed little one too and I am always telling her how beautiful her curls are, and how I wish I had them. Wonder if I should continue that or stop? Like every other parenting decision, I guss I won't know what's right until after I screw it up! lol

Michelle said...

Please tell Eloise that we envy her beautiful curls at our house!

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