Monday, September 14, 2009

A Blessing in Disguise...

A woman is hunting my cat.

Really.

A woman with a picture of a cat and the word "hope" on her t-shirt is hunting my cat.

Donut is locked in our home until further notice, wearing an orange tiger cat costume.

The fact that I am actually protecting my cat is currently beyond me. I am very confused with my sudden need to protect him. Stopping this "hope" woman from taking my cat is befuddling with my brain.

"Hope" indeed.

Donut pisses me off - he broke his leg, he broke our furnace...he meows a LOUD blood curdling meow that makes my skin crawl and I yell at him daily for annoying the hell out of me and just generally pissing me off.

..and then the girls see him and he sees the girls and they run to each other like long lost lovers and meld together in a pile of fur and skin and kisses and the damn cat stays and lives to see another day.

And I continue feeding him, cleaning his box and loving his pissing me off cat soul. Damn cat.

If he just wasn't so cute and sweet and silly. ..and if the girls didn't love him so much.

But now "hope" is after him.

Current score is "hope" 0 Tracy/Donut 1

"Hope" saw our cat outside this weekend in our neighbors yard, just hanging out. This stranger "hope" asked our neighbors who the cat belonged to as she is going to TAKE the cat because he is malnourished, unloved and sick. Our neighbors said "well, he is the happiest, most active cat I have ever seen - owned by some cat lovers and he must just have a great metabolism as that is why he is thin...because he is not sick nor malnourished."

You would think if 'save the cat Nazi "hope"' really cared about cats - she would COME TO OUR DOOR and express her concerns and I would say "Donut is a skinny cat - it's his body type..here is his vets number as he was just there last week for his yearly shots/check up and unfortunately he is the picture of good health" - you psycho animal do-gooder freakazoid.

But no, "hope" has decided her best plan of action is a complete intervention and KIDNAPPING. I kid you not - 2 hours after "Hope" saw Donut..she was BACK on her bike(of course she rides a bike and doesn't drive a car like us cat-abusing gas-guzzling house dwellers who talk to people before taking action) with a CAT CARRIER looking for Donut to TAKE HIM FROM US. What the F____! You don't just kidnap some kids cat.

"Hope" is seriously messed up and needs a new mission. She is a do-gooder gone bad.

So while Donut has gone into hiding in the kitty witness protection program...I have put the whole neighborhood on "hope" alert and to kidnap her if they see her so I can have my own little intervention on her ass.

The best part - when I told my next door neighbor to watch out for "hope" - he laughed and jokingly said(as he knows how much Donut pisses me off) - I think "hope" could really be a blessing in disguise for you - I say let him out and see if he conveniently disappears.

xoxo,t

11 comments:

Amanda M. said...

O.M.G.
You absolutely MUST keep us posted.
WTH is wrong with "Hope"? While I was honestly laughing out loud a LOT at your post because you are a really funny person, I was alternately very angry at "Hope." I mean, what if she thinks your kids are a little on the skinny side? Is she going to swipe them, too?
You should send her to my house. I have a 17 lb. cat, who is clearly OVERnourished. ;)

Stacey said...

It's an intersting life... That you live in the City...

kari said...

Tracy, seriously, wtf? Like you didn't already have enough other things going on? Bizarre happenings-send her to the humane society-there are plenty of legitimate cats to rescue there....

Kristi Pohl said...

please make your life into a movie someday-it would be a huge hit!

colored pencilgrandma said...

Poor Donut being hunted
What kind of a nut is this Hope? Thank God she's not hunting kids..

Michelle said...

um, that neighbor is just plain weird.

Heather said...

oh holey crow! good thing for the kitty protection program.

if hope is genuinely a good kitty lover, please tell her that i have 5 precious kittens that i rescued and can't find home for. i would love to give her one-if she would take good care of it.

think i can fed ex a kitten to her?

jill R said...

:-O
I am worried....I'm sending my cat sized fake glasses/big nose for Donut to add to his Garfield costume (stick a little stuffing in that puppy while you're at it, completely throw her off).

In the event she does catnap him, knowing his track record at your house....he won't be gone from home for long ;-)

But really....the nerve. Her and her bike, cue the Miss Gulch theme music now. BIOTCH

Melanie said...

I would like to say that I can't believe the nerve of some people...but unfortunately I can. What makes other people think they know your business better than you is beyond me! Our next-door neighbors got an anonymous letter from a "concerned neighbor" about how they were keeping their dog outside & in such "poor conditions"...like they even know anything about the conditions! It was so silly. Hope that Donut remains safely in your care where he is loved & tolerated, er, cherished! Hopefully "Hope" will not bike by our house & see my husband "gently" tossing a bean bag ball in the direction of our cat to stop his incessant meowing for more food!

Rachelle said...

Okay, you are seriously too much. I am covering my mouth w/my hand, laughing out loud, almost peeing my pants, jaw dropping open at this hope woman. The way you tell stories is just... gotta go to the bathroom now. Jeesh.

Melanie said...

what a freaking psychotic bitch!

seriously though, aren't all cat people just a little bit off?

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