Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Dear JCrew...

I love you. I do. I have loved you for years - the place to find some cute basics and the place to find a few stand-out pieces to give me a bit a frou-frou, some panache or just a bit of somethin-somethin.

But I really need you to stop selling these..

..because I cannot wear them anymore. I have reached the age where I can never pull-off wearing a headband matter how hard I try. I now look like my Grandma - wearing a headband. It looks stupid.

Not good.

Now, I realize that I am not your complete demographic, and I know a thing or two about marketing - since that was my full-time job before my full-time breastfeeding gig started.

If I had to guess, you target ladies ages 18-50ish - which is a huge spread as during this time our boobs sag, our wrinkles emerge and well, by 40 we look like idiots in headbands.

However, because we just bought that cute ruffle blouse, we now feel compelled to accessorize with the headband. We cannot help ourselves.

So, for our sanity and well, to save us from further public humiliation, can you please just stop selling these as a ladies accessory - as I cannot police myself.

Thank you for your time.

t. leave a comment - what are you too old to wear? or too young to wear perhaps??


Melanie said...

Melanie is too old for:

Tank tops with shelf bras--these DD's don't leave the house w/o underwire.

Low rise jeans of ANY ilk.

Flat flip flops--my back will hurt all summer if I buy those cheap flip flops.

I am too young for tapered pants of ANY kind. And Christmas sweaters, but honestly, shouldn't the two aforementioned items be illegal anyway?

Mathmom and family said...

I want to see a picture of you with a smile. Maybe you can pull it off.

Tifani is too old for:

pigtails. And I love to wear low pigtails. But when you are the mother of a high school student, it may be time to put that look away.

leggings. And good for you that can pull them off at 36. And I know it is "the thing." But I look silly in them even though I am small enough to wear them.

low rise anything. No one wants to see how my midsection resembles a sad Star Trek alien rejected alien race. I've had four kids and it shows.

I will still hold on to headbands. I'm even going to make some this weekend by upcycling some old ties. Maybe that would work for you since they will be grown-up?

The Planet Pink said...

I'm still trying to decide if I can pull off the skinny jean tucked into boots look. Is that still in? I hope so, I'm wearing it today.

And what about bangs? Just for cool 20 somethings? Little girls? Can they be worn by a 30 something mom of 4? This is my debate.

Michelle said...

Is it rude of me to agree with you? ;)

But the skinny jeans tucked into boots? We can totally do that. Esp. you and planet pink who are built like bean poles (lucky!).

The Planet Pink said...

A very SHORT bean pole Michelle! LOL This is the problem...

Heather - Hopelessly Flawed said...

Heather is not yet 40, but still too old for headbands. She's also with Melanie on the tank top thing.

Also braids - occasionally I'd wear braids, until I saw a picture of myself in them. Not anymore.

And too old for girl scout sleepovers on a concrete floor, as I discovered last weekend. Not exactly a fashion tip, but since I'm still sore, I thought it was worth mentioning.

Kate said...

I've been wondering about the whole funky rain boot thing myself. At nearly 38 can I still pull that one off? Thoughts? :)

♥ Bekki said...

I wouldn't be caught dead in two braids but clearly it's not an unspoken mom rule because without fail a mom will show up to storytime sporting the duel braids.

The same goes for Naartjie mom stuff. I'm just saying.....ruffles belong on the butt of my 3 year old.

If I showed up in two braids and a ruffled ass I may end up impregnated-isn't that some kind of kinky fetish? I'm not willing to find out.

Amanda M. said...

Amanda is too old for:

The exact same first two items as mentioned by Melanie.

Colored mascara. I discovered this is all new rage for spring while reading a few beauty mags today. I am thinking a 34-year-old sporting royal blue eyelashes might be a bit much.

I am way toooo young for:

The Dress Barn. I drove by this store the other day and actually looked in the windows because I guess I never paid it any attention. I am pretty sure you're not let in the store if you aren't receiving Medicare.

Tracy said...

You guys are funny. Low rise jeans are dangerous.

Melanie - pls never wear a xmas sweater.

Tifani - I so agree on the braids. I try them too and look like an idiot.

Planet pink - skinny jeans rock, bangs not so much.

Michelle - you are not rude. Please always be my friend and tell me when I look ridiculous. It is what girlfriends are for.

Heather - LOL about the GS camp-out.

Kate - you are so.not.too.old for rain boots - I love them!!!

Bekki - you made me LOL - ruffle butts are BAD on moms.always.

Amanda - I hope I never enter the Dress Barn. Just sayin'.

Melanie said...

Amen on the Dress Barn! My mom, bless her heart, shops there, and buys me stuff too! But I don't wear it.

Kristi Pohl said...

I will never be too old for bangs, as they hide my receding hair line....sort of. So please don't tell me I have to give them up!

I gave up tank tops and anything sleeveless ages ago, as I have my Great Grandma Ethel's chicken wing arms. ewww....sorry to give such a visual...

Rachelle said...

I am the exact right age to (wear) drive a mustang convertible, but no one will buy me one.

Your post was so funny, as usual!

Jess said...

Hey T!
Will you email me when you get a chance? I wanted to talk a bit about MJC. :D


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