Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I have done this without wine...

I gave up wine at New Years. I decided that I would not drink any wine from New Years until Ash Wednesday. As I don't formally "celebrate" Lent - I decided that I would give up wine before Lent and then make fun of all of my sucker friends during Lent who were silly enough to give up wine now.

For 7 weeks I have been dry, except for 2 glasses at Kristi's house 2 weeks ago. But drinking at Kristi's doesn't count. It is just unfortunate that she only invited me over one time during the last 7 weeks. Darn taxes.

I had plans to go buy wine today, lots of wine, but didn't think it would be prudent to take my lice infested family out into public.

Oh you heard me right - WE HAVE LICE.


Before I go on about my hell during the past 72 hours, I would like to formally apologize to the 2 little blond girls who road my bus in 4th grade. The 2 sisters who lived in the trailer park behind the 3D discount store. The 2 sisters who were sent home with lice. The 2 sisters that we called "lice heads" on the bus for the next 2 years.

Kids are mean. We were mean.

I would also like to make that shrink appointment now - for 15 years down the road when Eloise is seeking counseling for her mothers reaction upon finding the lice in her head. Yes, I win mother of year. I tilted her head over and saw a BUG on my CHILD's HEAD. I screamed like a baby and ran from the room screaming "OMG YOU HAVE LICE YOU HAVE LICE!!!!"

Oh yes, mother of the year right here. Turns out the proper reaction was "oh no sweetie - looks like you have lice. It is not your fault. You are so beautiful and perfect and mommy will take care of it in a few days" - this was then to be followed by a warm embrace turns out. Not for my child to see her mother running away from her screaming. tsk tsk.

Jed also wins father of the year when he told her we should just shave her head. Oh yes he did. We ROCK as parents. ROCK. It is so hard being the oldest kid watching your parents make so many mistakes.

We have now spent the last 72 hours filling 42 leaf bags with stuffed animals and pillow and coats and rugs and toys and dolls.

I am on my 33rd load of laundry - the linens, towels, coats, pillows, clothing - over and over again. I can only hope the silver lining is that my 1979 Kenmore washer explodes and I get a new one. My 1981 Kenmore dryer is taking almost 3 hours to dry each load. Thus laundry is going 24 hours per day and so am I. My head is hitting the bed at 1am and rising at 4am to put in another load. My kids are sleeping on beach towels as they are easier to wash than pillows. I vacuum every 4 hours and spray my home constantly with tea tree oil. I make my kids stay off the furniture and their little butts hurt from sitting on the hardwood.

After spending 3 hours picking eggs out of their hair yesterday, I finally cut about 6 inches off of both their heads. It is Summer bob time 3 months early. I have had a few Joan Crawford moments.

I have forgotten to feed them and they were both crying by 11am yesterday asking if they could eat.

They have been home from school now for 5 days straight and between laundry, treating heads, picking heads, nursing and bouncing little miss cranky pants - who thank God is bald - I have little time to think about groceries or food.

And during this time the new Matilda Jane season started. In fact the season started an hour after I found the first louse. I love my life.

For 3 days my phone has been ringing off the hook, I have not only done laundry, treating, picking and nursing but have tried to sit in front of a computer to get people their cookie tanks. I have been yelled at, cursed at and have been told what a disappointment I am to them because of not getting them their tank top. I have cried to one as I hung up on her because I needed to get back to picking the nits out of my child's hair.

And yes, I have had shows scheduled that I cannot work because we have lice.

I have really good friends though - who come to my house and check my head, treat my kids, tell them what they need to hear as their mother is failing them. They bring me more laundry detergent, do my shows for me and mostly let me know they are here if I need them.

I need wine really. That is all I need right now. Wine.


Melanie said...

Oh Tracy, I think you should win a mother of the year award for all you are doing! And I'm not joking! It must be terrible...I am horrified at the thought of an outbreak here, but know it is probably just a matter of time...I feel things crawling on me just reading your post. Really, I am so sorry. Especially sorry for hateful customers! Mean people...well you know!
Praying for you with this added wrinkle this week, I was thinking of you already knowing how busy it would be!

Bekki said...

So about that raven........

Heather - Hopelessly Flawed said...

Bless your heart, and if you manage to get rid of them, please share your secrets. I think they are pretty much invinceable.

And I don't blame Jed one tiny bit for thinking their heads should be shaved. It may be the only time in your life you'll wish they were boys instead because it would be soooooo much easier!

Big (hugs)

Angela Elle Photography said...

Oh Tracy, I am chuckling a little at your post. I feel for you, don't get me wrong, but I'm glad you appear to be keeping your sense of humor about all of it. Knock on wood, I haven't had to deal with lice (yet) but I'm fairly sure my reaction would be the same.

I'm sure both of the girls look adorable in their new hair cuts!!

Tracy said...

Tracy I am so sorry that this happened to you and that my trunk show ended up being problematic. I know it's the last thing you needed right now.
I for the life of me can not imagine the lice, the laundry, and the daily chores. Yuck. I would have run screaming and probably still gone with the head shave. Always looking for a little Annie Lennox look.
Ash Wednesday has descended upon us, so drink away! And give up lice for lent.

Tracy said...

Oh and for what its worth - I think you are the best MJ trunk keeper, even under the circumstances, you work your a$$ off!

Mathmom and family said...

I'm scared of lice, too, so I'll just give you a polite back pat kind of hug and step away!

jill R said...

All I can say is OMG, you have my sincerest condolences. LICE is the worst 4 letter word in the English language.

The Planet Pink said...

LOL at Mathmom - I feel the same way! I can't believe we've made it this long without lice. I know my time is coming.

And I can't believe that you've been cursed at and yelled at over a freaking tank top. It's like, 12 inches fabric people, get over it.

Jess said...

Well I, for one, feel badly that not everyone is getting their cookie tanks. Do you realize how important a cookie tank is in the grand scheme of life?

Lice? no biggie.
Laundry? I scoff at it.
A million loads of laundry? Bring it.
But the cookie tank? THE cookie tank? I might fall into a puddle on the floor. And curse really kind people who have no control over the quantity of cookie tanks produced. And I might feel inclined to make a really kind person cry. It IS a tank afterall. For, like, a child. A child who will surely not even be cute sans cookie tank this year. Can you handle that responsibility on your shoulders?

Sheesh. Do you need me to do some dirty work and take care of crazy people? Because I can. <3

Love you, Tracy, and I'm sorry that you have lice in your house. It's the worst! When I taught, I cringed at the mere sight of those little hair moving lice sticks. In fact, my head has started to itch now. I think I might have it...

Kristi Pohl said...

I will be delivering the wine this week, it should have been part of your grocery delivery! duh....

Amanda said...

oh tracy!!! so sorry to hear this. we've not had lice (yet) but i had pink eye a few weeks ago and was a crazy laundry/washing hands freak for two weeks. it was exhausting. hang in there!!!!!!!

Tracy said...

Thanks for the love ladies..and for your forgiveness about the cookie tank.
..and LOL Jess..OMG that made my day. I will have my customers call you from now on.

Wendy said...

Oh dear. Lice is my biggest fear, what a nightmare. I would have had the same reaction. I may have screamed slightly louder. You are the best Trunk Keeper I have ever dealt with, so I am horrified that people were yelling at you - and here's my little secret - I don't think the Cookie tank is all that. (shhhh!) Hope you guys get it contained and can get back to your life again soon - and you TOTALLY need a new washer and dryer.

Ginny said...

I'm all for you winning the Mother of the year award. I just can't even imagine what you are going through, yuk! I would have reacted, most likely, the same why you did:( As much as I was hoping the girls were coming down last weekend and visiting me in IN - I am now thanking GOD they couldn't make it or I would be dealing with all of this!! Granted, my washer and dryer are a bit newer, but the fact remains - I'm older!! This could happen to any of us just being out in public. I am so sorry for everything you have been through this week. Thank goodness for good friends that have helped you out. I love the support you have received and I still think you should write a book or even an article for the daily newspaper! Hang in there. Love MOM

Rachelle said...

Oh you poor dear girl! We have missed your posts lately and now we know why! I hope the laundry slows down now and that you are done with this mess soon! No fun! The comment by Jess has me cracking up! I'm so happy you have the support of friends.

Momma T said...

S#*t!! I was actually going to bring you wine today with the babka!! I picked up my loot from the STM auction. I even have Prosecco - to celebrate with when all lice, eggs, nits have been exterminated!

Jess - you are the voice of wisdom in a crazy, crazy world. Laughed my butt off.

I can't think of anything to give up for Lent. I want to give up 5 lbs, but I don't know if God wants that.

Amanda M. said...

Oh my gosh, Tracy. I am SO sorry. What a hellish week.
If I lived close to you, I'd bring you an entire wine cellar. <3

Michelle said...

head lice? I'd be tempted to burn down the house.

you havemn'been showing up in my bloglines account. wonder what's up with that? I've missed you. I am so, so sorry. Wish I could come and steal Astrid away while you deal with the craziness. You would, of course, have to meet me in the front yard and hand her over with no clothing, no blankets, no car seat, no LICE!

xoxo, m

Messy@ Bungalow'56 said...

oh Tracy...I'm feeling for you. It happened to us five years ago. The day after The Agronomist left for a work trip. I have never been so tired, and freaked out. I thought my five year old had dandruff, but couldn't figure out why It wouldn't brush out of her very long, naturally curly hair. She had had it for awhile, a long while. I beat you hands down for great parenting on that one. I felt like they were everywhere. It took me five hours to get rid of all the nits. She was a trouper and watched two movies. I even had a few. Now I'm a seasoned lice checker, and wouldn't bat an eye if they were back.
Just think, It will make you a great grandma!

heather said...

oh no. i'm so sorry!

not only is my head suddenly itchy, but i'm having a PTSD moment. we had "the lice" back during the preschool days. well not me, but the girls. and no matter what treatment we used, those things were resistant. we even had to try that prescription lindane. awful stuff...i hated to put it on their precious bug filled heads. and that didn't even work!

finally, i found something that all natural treatment called lice rx that i found online. they were gone...until they came back. over and over.

i couldn't figure out why or how this kept happening. well one weekend we found poor mom, yes my mom(!) had a head full of lice. i guess she got it from the girls and then kept giving it back to them.

so i spent weeks nit picking, 2 girls and their grandma's head. then i ordered her the lice rx too. which by the way, years later is still in BOTH of our fridges-just waiting.

and did i mention my head is itching?

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