Off to Duluth...

The Girls and I are bringing my Mom to Duluth today.

We've have had a lovely week here with her....

I hope these smiles have made her hard task ahead of her a bit easier.
See you in a few days.
xoxo, t

Before and After...

First day of Kindergarten. A little scared, unsure, not ready to feel Sister Sara's full embrace.

Last day of Kindergarten. Full of confidence, love and a year of incredible learning. I love that she is touching Sr. Sara's hand with both of her hands. This picture was taken in the morning when I dropped her off.

I didn't get a picture at pick-up, as I had a sobbing, and I mean sobbing child running into my arms. After sobbing uncontrollably for quite some time. Sister Sara came back over and picked her up and just held her as she sobbed and I heard her whispering sweet words to her..."Eloise, I love you so much, you are an amazing girl and this isn't goodbye. I will see you next week for some stories and I hope I see you next year. I hope you will be my friend forever."

That is a guarantee, Sister Sara. You have sure made a lifetime friendship.

I know we couldn't have asked for a better Kindergarten teacher.
xoxo,t

It's been one of those weeks...

..when the pregnant lady just cries.

Too much going on. The emotions just flow.

Sometimes you just need your daily routine to come back so you can just feel normal again.

I don't think things are going to be normal for me for quite awhile.

This week has more than proven that a mom's heart lives mainly outside of her and with her children. Every moment. Realizing this more and more as I pick-up Esther from her last day of preschool on Tuesday and I am just sobbing as she says goodbye to her teachers and this school forever. She is moving on to pre-K next year....and tried so hard to keep the tears in as she proudly showed off her yearly art projects at the art show last night.

Sobbing nightly this week as both girls perform in their first ballets, as I tenderly get them dressed, hair perfectly in place and watch their huge smiles as they go out on stage. They are so brave and so old.

How do I not cry today, as my Eloise graduates from Kindergarten. How do I not cry when she hugs Sister Sara for the last time. How do I properly explain to Sister Sara that she IS the best teacher ever...and has made such an impact on Eloise's(and our) lives? How do I tell her how much we love her. How do I not sob today as we say goodbye to this school and community we love as we have to move-on to a new school next year.

This is going to be a long day.

My mom is here, stopping by to see us as she makes her journey "home." She is tasked next week, with the rest of her sisters, to pack up their parents home. To move everything out of the home she was raised in, and that her parents owned for almost 60 years. The center of their family. It has been wonderful to share this emotional week with my mom, and to also have the time to share stories of my grandparents.

The girls and I are driving my mom to their house on Sunday. So we can say goodbye too. I haven't properly said goodbye to Grandpa since he died in April. How do I not sob as I know I will never be in my grandparents home again.

When we come home next week. Summer will be here. We have such a short time now to prepare for the baby, knowing that daily, weekly our lives change...but this Summer will surely be life changing with this new arrival. How do I not cry thinking about the beauty this baby will bring.

I am looking forward to finding our new normal and some peace with the changes soon.
xoxo,t

It was almost like stealing...

...but I don't feel guilty at all.

I popped in my favorite consignment shop last week. Just browsing. Something red and shiny caught my eye at the back of the store. Red Cowgirl boots. As I, the crazed and professional shopper pregnant lady, ran past the handbags, skirt and couture blouses, taking out only 1-2 people on the way, I started to sweat as I thought.

"Could they be my size? Are those Lucchese? I must own them. Please let them be in my price range."

Upon reaching them my breath quickened as I looked and YES, they were 1883 Lucchese. YES, they were ladies size 8.5. YES they were oh just so gently used and perfectly broken in. I decided to try them on before checking the price. They slipped on like butter. I was in love, they had me at "hello hot pregnant lady - you really need a pair of red boots."

Most importantly, YES, they were marked at $39. Holy under priced red boots, batman. You all are coming home to Mama. Who even knew I needed a pair of Red 1883 Lucchese cowgirl boots?

I put them on last weekend with my too short daisy duke cut-off jean shorts, my bikini top, my huge belly sticking out. Put up the blow-up pool for the kids in the backyard so they could swim nekid and sat on my 1967 woven lawn chair.

They are life changing.

Aw, life is good.
xoxo, t

30 weeks

Savoring.

One word to describe this pregnancy.

Savoring.

After the troubles we have had trying to have a 3rd baby, all I can do is savor this time.

Knowing it is my last time being pregnant...ever. I will just savor each moment.

I feel so lucky and blessed.

Believe me, I am not one of those ladies who thinks that my pregnant body is beautiful and I just glow and all is good in the world because I am pregnant.

But no matter, I am savoring the weight, savoring the heartburn, savoring the nightly leg cramps that keep me up ALL night. Savoring the gas, savoring the intense need for a nap all day, savoring the time it will take me to run off the weight after baby.

Savoring the girls' awe as they rub my belly and wait to feel a baby kick. Savoring their intense anticipation to meet their sister in about 8 weeks.

I am not a lucky person...I have never won a contest or had my name drawn for a prize. I have never won in Vegas, or even the school cakewalk for that matter.

Gladly now, I have traded in that 40 years of bad luck, oh and I will trade in my 40 more as I realize this lottery that I have won.

I am forever lucky now with this precious gift that I am savoring.

xoxo,t

Glitz and Glam...

Sick of seeing Eloise yet...of course not.

Eloise's Spanish teacher and few 8th grade girls, hosted 20 Kinders and 1st graders to a "Glitz and Glam" luncheon and party yesterday.

Now, you know me - I am the non-wearer of make-up, non-painter of nails and sometimes even the non-comber of hair...so to be excited about a party that is going to Glitz and Glam you at 6 years old is not a familiar alley for me to be up...but Eloise seemed over the moon excited. And hey, if it gives her something to do for 2 hours while I shop on-line and eat bonbons, I think we should have a Glitz and Glam event weekly.

The girls were treated for a fancy lunch at a fancy house, received complete make-overs, nail polish, lip gloss, crowns and perfume. They did princess crafts and even received a "princess license" to be exempt from any duties not-princess worthy for a day. Yeah, I think I am going to need to trump that one.

Eloise spent the rest of the day applying her lip gloss and smacking her lips. At bedtime she asked if I had any eyeshadow she could borrow. I told her yes, brown. With a frown she asked if by chance I had any pink with glitter in it. No sweetie, I retired all of my hooker make-up when I had kids.

xoxo,t

..oh, and go wish my dear friend Kristi a Happy Birthday today!

Good to see her...

I received a nice note yesterday saying that it was nice to see Eloise on my blog. Turns out I have been neglecting her by not showing her smiling mug as often as Esther's.

I hope everyone knows that I don't show pictures of Esther more than Eloise because I love her more. I just can't seem to shake her. Every time I turn around BOOM, there Esther is, seemingly attached to my leg, except for the 7.5 hours she spends at preschool every week. That is when I lie down in the middle of the living room and do "wood floor" snow angels just enjoying my space a bit and trying to get the word..."mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom..." out of my mind for a brief period. ..and then she is there again.

So since Esther is around, I use her and take pictures of her. She hates it, but tough.

Eloise is gone to school all day, every day, and when she is home, I receive dirty looks when my camera comes out and sentences thrown at me like "MOM, that is like so not cool, you are embarrassing me, I hope my friends don't see me." She is 6.

I still love her though, equally.
xoxo,t

Sensibly Spoiled...

I didn't have my first salon manicure until I was 24 or even my first salon haircut until I was 20. I was a "lucky" kid who just happened to have a mom who went to Beauty School in the 60's.

Haircuts were given at home, in the kitchen using a kitchen towel and a clip to keep the stray hairs off of our clothing, a drinking glass for water to dip the black comb into, and we would all help sweep up the mess afterwards.

My mom always had the most beautiful nails, that she would shape and polish herself and would take great care with my own home manicures she would give me.

When I turned 15, I started cutting my own hair and it was never quite the same again. I would never take the care that she did, but as long as my bangs were big, the job was done right.

I have maybe had 6 professional manicures since reaching adulthood. My nails are not a priority to me - neither in vanity or cost - but somehow I felt compelled to ask Eloise if she wanted her nails done last weekend.

Sure I paint my daughter's nails now and then - but I can never reach the lovely perfection that my mother did with mine, nor take the great care she always did, complete with foot rub.

Eloise loved getting her nails professionally done. She was so proud of this simple gesture.

I am thinking of setting up some semi-regular appointments. Even at an early age, I think we all need to be sensibly spoiled now and then.

xoxo, t

Esther's Story...

Two days ago during lunch, Esther said to me "Mommy, you need a piece of paper and a pen so you can write my story down." I had no idea what she was talking about, but I obliged and wrote her story as she told it.

The following is Esther's story that she would like to share with you today.

"When I am a mommy and turn 5, I will lose all of my teeth and have 65 kids. I will have 65 rooms in my house to put them in. We will also have a school in my house and I will have a magic wand to make all of this appear. Oh, and I will have 2 cats and 2 dogs and a daddy named Jed with dark hair. We will all make cupcakes and cookies anytime we want and eat them all. Some of my kids will be name Melopy, Mike, Ian, Lela and Guinea Pig, but not all of them."

The End.

Maybe this means she wants to move to a compound in Texas. Maybe this means she wants to be a Republican. Both of which bother me a tad...but she is only 4 and has lots of time to change her mind. ;)

Thank you for your time. xoxo,t

Freckles....

Do you think it's too much to ask for just one of my kids to have freckles like me? Oh, I know they will hate them when they are teenagers and use every formula that Jan Brady(and I) tried to remove them.

But I think at 40, freckles rock.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids creamy, white and flawless skin. I just want a little freckled face partner in crime some days.

xoxo, t

Rhubarb...

Last night, my dreams were filled with rhubarb. I was planting it, picking it, dipping it directly into my dixie cup of sugar while standing in the hot Summer sun green grass...just like when I was a kid.

I was cleaning it, dicing it and baking with it all night. This morning, I must have rhubarb. Is it ready yet?

Some people view rhubarb as almost a weed. At our old home, we had TONS of it - 8 huge plants for the taking and baking. None of it went to waste.

In the 4 years of living in our new home, I have yet to plant a new rhubarb plant. I pay too much at stores or farmer's markets or beg, borrow and steal from friend and neighbors.

Does anyone have a spare rhubarb plant they want to come plant for me this year?(you know I don't do worms and can't plant it myself.)

Talk about pregnancy cravings...I am going off the deep end today with my quest for rhubarb.

xoxo,t

Another ultrasound...

I had an ultrasound this morning. Turns out at 20 weeks the placenta was covering my cervix(does that bother you when I say cervix...cervix...cervix...cervix...) so they wanted another ultrasound done at 29 weeks to make sure it had moved away from the area.

Not sure why as I have no plans for a vaginal(does that bother you when I say vaginal...vaginal...vaginal...vaginal...) birth this time. Been there, done that, tried that and have had 2 very scary emergency C's and pretty much just want a nice, non-stressful scheduled one this time, followed by a grande latte with no foam and a cranberry scone lightly iced.

Anyway, at 29 weeks she is getting big - about 3 pounds already and filling up the space, so it is hard to get a good look at her. In the photo above, she is actually sucking on her toes. I have signed her up for cirque du soleil.

The best news is that she hasn't lost any arms or legs during the past 9 weeks, nor has she grown a penis(penis...penis...penis...)
xoxo, t

Idle Hands...

..do too much shopping. bad, bad girl!

I either need to buy more hangers, or quit shopping for their Summer wardrobes...so I need activities to keep me busy, that allow some creativity, and also fulfill my strange nesting requirements that I am yearning for at 7 months pregnant.

Last week, I took(copied) the tag from the Room Seven clothing brand, and made pictures for the girls walls to match their new bedding.

The great thing about this project:
-it involved fabric - so it was like playing with clothing, but not really, but I could close my eyes and pretend
-it involved fabric from my stash - have you seen my stash lately? Frightening. It's fun to USE it, not just look at. Note to self. I am not a fabric store, I am a sewing hobbyist.
-it involved using art canvas that I already owned - given to me by Kristi 2 years ago and collecting dust in my attic.
-the girls LOVED their Room Seven likenesses so much that they now want dresses like them...thus using more of my stash hopefully.

The pictures are about 2 1/2 feet tall and I am gloating a bit that I actually did something artistic. Problem is, now I am obsessing about buying this outfit for the girls to match their damn walls.

Counseling, I need counseling.
xoxo,t

What are they wearing do you ask?

I have had a few people ask me about my new header(that is where my blog title is up there in case now you are wondering what in the heck I am talking about).

Yes, it is a picture of the girls - and they are wearing dresses from Lemon Loves Lime. You can find this brand at many of the boutiques I list over there (look left - your left - my right) if you feel the need to shop for one right now. They are getting VERY hard to come by....= ebay next year cha-ching.

I became literally weak in the knees when these dresses arrived last week. I now have been sitting on my hands trying not to order them in 8 more colors. Best part, the girls LOVE them and wanted to sleep in them after the school concert.

I have also been looking for them in my size and for Kristi, so we can go have tea in fashion.

This post also gives me an excuse to post pictures of my girls since it has been awhile and certain relatives are having a coronary. It's not all about you, ya know?

xoxo, t.

Homemade...and a winner NOT!

Forget that fancy jewelry, posh spa day, elegant brunch or new handbag. This Mother's Day was proudly and solely presented by a 4 and 6 year old. They did such a nice job...from that free rose from the supermarket....

..to the hand planted plants in homemade pots....
..to the button person card that Esther made for me at school...
..and the gift bag that Eloise so carefully decorated for me. (I love her handwriting)...
..and the book that Sister Sara's class made for all the mom's. I would evidently wack someone if given 5 minutes alone...
..and my all time favorite gift - the card that Eloise made. I am going to go out on a limb here and decide that she really meant "best" and not beast...maybe not...but at least on Mother's Day I am allowed to pretend a bit.

I hope you all had wonderful Mother's Day. Oh, and no winners on the Guessing Jar. Feel free to buy me a coffee though. There were 35 socks in there. All singletons. Eloise didn't want any pairs in there. That didn't seem like many to me, and I decided to go ahead and count their socks after the comments came in, and together the girls have 96 pairs of socks. Is that a lot?
xoxo,t

Hey Mom...

..in honor of your lack of baking skills...and in case you didn't get what you wanted this mother's day...I thought you would enjoy these mother's day posts from one of my favorite blogs, Cake Wrecks.

Click on...
Here and here..

If you want a good daily laugh OR ever want to send her a picture of one of your cakes you make, go check her out.

Hope your day is as fabulous as you.
xoxo,t

Remember Mom...

Sometimes I wonder what my daughters will remember about their mom after they are grown. Will they remember that I tried to make nice meals, and bake cookies, sew pretty things, bought them pretty clothes and nice toys. That I kept their art cabinet well-stocked or that I tried to enjoy craft time with them?

Will they remember that I sold clothing, that I was addicted to ebay, that I was a runner and that I spent a lot of time on the computer?

Will they remember that I didn't garden, was afraid of worms, would rather sunbathe than swim with them, and liked my coffee hot, black and all day?

They may remember pieces of those, but I wonder what will stick?

That I hugged and kissed them hello and goodbye, good-morning and goodnight. That I told them that I loved them as many times as possible everyday. That we ate together as a family nearly every night. That I was there for them - for their tears, their laughter, their concerts, their broken hearts. That I was always there to listen, and hopefully not judge.

That I yelled sometimes, but always apologized. That I was strict and made them go to bed at 7pm even in the Summer. That they had to eat good, healthy food. That I insisted on good manners - please, thank you, waiting for an invitation to play in someone else's yard. That I made them pick up other people's garbage instead of just walking by.

When I think about my Mom, it's not her cooking I remember. In fact, I don't remember one meal from growing up. My mom isn't known for her cooking or baking or sewing for that matter, but I don't remember many times that we didn't sit down as a family to eat our evening meal.

We didn't have craft days or even go to the zoo very often, and I don't remember a museum we attended. We lived in a small town and went for picnics, went swimming, rode bikes and visited friends.

We didn't take European or even Mexican vacations, we went to Minnesota to visit family.

My mom didn't stay at home, or wear an apron or decorate my room. My mom worked. When my mom was single, and I was 6 and my brother was 7, we would get ourselves off to school by ourselves and come home to an empty house with Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street as our babysitters. When mom returned home, we always had dinner as a family..and she also insisted on lights out by 7pm. My brother and I would lay in our beds, in the room we shared and listen to the kids play outside our bedroom window while we faked our slumber.

My mom taught me how to make decisions and tough choices and how to be a good person. To respect others, to help others, to not be selfish and to make time for family, friends and strangers.

My mom let me spread my wings as a teenager and fly and soar and sometimes fall. My mom made sure we had chores at home and were responsible for our home, equally, as a family. My mom would wake me up extra early on Saturday mornings to clean the house every week when I was a teenager - even earlier if she knew I had broken curfew the night before and smelled a bit like Boonesfarm.

I counted the days until I could move away from home. My mom never tried to stop me from moving away or told me that I couldn't. My mom never put herself or her feelings first.

Now, the things I most wanted to move away from are what I am trying to teach to my own small daughters. At this point, I am really okay even if they hate me when they are teenagers and think I am mean and unfair.

They don't even have to remember the pretty clothes or the cookies or the crafts. I just want them to remember that I was there for them, and was there for hugs if they needed them - and tried my best to provide the best childhood I could for them - and eventually taught them to fly away.

xoxo, t

The Guessing Jar..

We were honored to receive the empty Kindergarten guessing jar this week. Every week a kinder has to fill it for the class to estimate the quantity of it's contents to win a prize.

The whole ride home from school, my mind was racing with ideas of what we could put in the jar that would be both original and hard to guess. My first and most brilliant idea was condoms. My very immature, fully juvenile, anti-authority mind thought "condoms" - brilliant. It's a Catholic school and they are kindergartners. That would be so flipping funny. I giggled to myself as we drove home. Where do I come up with this stuff? I am such a great mom. I bet I would be the only mom in the history of Catholic education to bring a jar of condoms into the school. But I am also the mom who keeps drawing mustaches on the people on the "walk for life" posters blanketing the hallways.

Eloise trumped me and we went with socks instead. Clean socks. Really.

I actually am pretty sure that no one else brought socks in the guessing jar this year either, so it was still an acceptable solution..albeit not as ironic and funny.

Can you guess how many socks are in there?

First person to guess the exact amount by noon central time on Sunday(mother's day) wins a $10 gift card to Starbucks...just my little Mother's Day treat to you.

Thanks for playing!
xoxo, t.

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice...

Pumpkin Spice = the color we painted the kitchen. I chose, Jed painted.

Everything Nice = the kitchen paint is still not finished. I didn't take a picture of that area because I am going to be nice today and just not go "there." amen.

Pumpkin Spice = coordinating colors in the pillows I made for our kitchen window seat.

Everything Nice = don't make fun of me for actually making a slip-cover for my 50 year old kitchen stool so that it too coordinates. I need a life.

xoxo,t

I am too trendy for my hair...

Esther just wanted to show-off her new hairstyle today. She insisted on THREE piggies - 1 in the front and 2 on the sides.

She is so hair fashion forward, I cannot stand it.
xoxo,t

Now why didn't I think of that?

Yesterday, I stopped by the local textile shop to find some homemade, locally made, amazingly made, not by me made cuz I am lazy and tired and out of time made, Mother's Day gifts.

After purchasing these little trinkets, I decided I was more impressed with the wrapping then the gift. Wow - recycled tissue - the tissue from old sewing patterns.

I love finding new ways to go green and reuse our scraps around the home.

Make your Mother's Day a bit greener this year - and wrap her gift in a sewing pattern tissue.

It made me smile anyway. But I am easy that way.

xoxo,t

No mine is better...

I caught the girls looking in the mirror yesterday, primping their hair, rubbing their cheeks, fixing their bows, looking at their teeth. Remember these are 2 girls from a mom that doesn't wear make-up, do her hair and spends exactly 4.2 minutes getting ready in the morning.

Eloise: "Esther, my lips are ruby red - look how beautiful they are. I get asked many times a day if I wear lipstick. I won't ever have to wear lipstick because they are so red. You don't have beautiful lips like mine."

Esther: "Well, my lips are pink, and Sister Sara's favorite color is pink, so MINE are better and SHE will like me better, so there!"

I love watching my girls converse. Most of the time I try to stay far enough away so I cannot hear their private conversations.

I hope when they are teenagers they continue to confide in one another. It's so nice to have a lifelong best friend.

xoxo, t.