Friday, May 29, 2009

It's been one of those weeks...

..when the pregnant lady just cries.

Too much going on. The emotions just flow.

Sometimes you just need your daily routine to come back so you can just feel normal again.

I don't think things are going to be normal for me for quite awhile.

This week has more than proven that a mom's heart lives mainly outside of her and with her children. Every moment. Realizing this more and more as I pick-up Esther from her last day of preschool on Tuesday and I am just sobbing as she says goodbye to her teachers and this school forever. She is moving on to pre-K next year....and tried so hard to keep the tears in as she proudly showed off her yearly art projects at the art show last night.

Sobbing nightly this week as both girls perform in their first ballets, as I tenderly get them dressed, hair perfectly in place and watch their huge smiles as they go out on stage. They are so brave and so old.

How do I not cry today, as my Eloise graduates from Kindergarten. How do I not cry when she hugs Sister Sara for the last time. How do I properly explain to Sister Sara that she IS the best teacher ever...and has made such an impact on Eloise's(and our) lives? How do I tell her how much we love her. How do I not sob today as we say goodbye to this school and community we love as we have to move-on to a new school next year.

This is going to be a long day.

My mom is here, stopping by to see us as she makes her journey "home." She is tasked next week, with the rest of her sisters, to pack up their parents home. To move everything out of the home she was raised in, and that her parents owned for almost 60 years. The center of their family. It has been wonderful to share this emotional week with my mom, and to also have the time to share stories of my grandparents.

The girls and I are driving my mom to their house on Sunday. So we can say goodbye too. I haven't properly said goodbye to Grandpa since he died in April. How do I not sob as I know I will never be in my grandparents home again.

When we come home next week. Summer will be here. We have such a short time now to prepare for the baby, knowing that daily, weekly our lives change...but this Summer will surely be life changing with this new arrival. How do I not cry thinking about the beauty this baby will bring.

I am looking forward to finding our new normal and some peace with the changes soon.


Melanie said...

awe, tracy. i so remember that stage of pregnancy. i must admit that on wednesday when i saw that a's stuff was all packed up, "even his name tag" as he said, i got a little choked up. mrs. h. really is the best teacher i've ever met. i'm going to bawl today when i pick him up from her class for the last time. :( being a mommy is tough stuff.

Kristi Pohl said...

I was crying this morning just writing my blog post about Charlie's last carnival-and I'm not even pregnant! And then I cried when I read your post...all of this just makes us better moms, in the long run. But we sure go through a lot of tissues.

Ginny said...

This journey was a difficult one for me. I'm so glad I was able to spend time with you and the girls. The recitals were amazing and the self assurance of the girls was such a blessing. What fun they had. They are so good, so polite and such a joy to be with. You have done a wonderful job. I think crying shows strength, not weakness - it means we care enough!

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