Really, I try so hard not to judge, as I haven't walked even a step in their shoes, nor do I know their kids...but the pacifier puts me over the edge for some reason.
When my Eloise was born, I was adamantly opposed to the pacifier. And she was a screamer. Screamer. But I chose instead to bounce her night and day and nurse her on demand to get her through that early infancy pacifier free. But then when she was 4 months old, I went back to work and my mom came to nanny for a few months and low and behold this screaming child ended up with a pacifier. After my anger subsided, we made a deal - pacifier was for bed only - nap or nighttime, but bed only - I never wanted to see that in my child's mouth out of the house.Ever.
It worked and she even gave it up for bedtime long before she was 2. I just threw it away one day and she got over it quickly. I am an incredibly mean mom that way.
Esther never cried, so it was a non issue.
Astrid screams. SCREAMS. So I have spent the past 8 months bouncing and rocking and holding and nursing and freaking out. But adamantly avoiding the pacifier. I just don't want to shove that in her mouth just because she is fussing. And she is fussy. FUSSY. Well, about 2 months ago - she started doing this when she is tired.
Yes, sucking her thumb. Funny thing is, she only does it for nap time or bedtime - or to give me a sign she is ready for a nap.
Thank goodness she is finding a way to sooth herself, because frankly, after 8 months I am exhausted.
I just hope she knows how to eventually give it up, because the alternative of me getting rid of it is not a happy thought.
Do you love the pacifier? Do you have a thumb sucker - do you still suck your thumb?(well, maybe I don't really want to know that). Am I a bitch to judge that 4 year old?(okay, don't answer that either..);)
xoxo,t
19 comments:
Having had a niece and nephew that *almost* started school with their binkies, I vowed to never buy the damnable things for our babies, and I didn't. BUT, my youngest loves her thumb, dang it. Now at 6.5 years she still sneaks it at bedtime and I'll catch it in her mouth when she's sleeping. Now I sorta wish we could have gone the pacifier route, at least with those we have the choice to throw it away but the thumb is permanent.
I am not a fan of pacifiers either, and I think for the same reason as you. After seeing a number of very large children with VERY large pacifiers in public places, I found myself quite turned off.
But like you, I discovered around age 8 months that Catie was sucking her thumb during bed/nap times. This has now snowballed to near constant thumbsucking, and the dentist has advised that we find a way to put a stop to it lest she become a snaggle tooth. (In fact, one of my professors caught wind of this and shared the horror story of his now 40-year-old daughter who has had braces twice and jaw surgery as a result of sucking her thumb for over a decade.)
While I respect the solace her thumb gives her, at this point, I'll try just about anything to get her to stop, including thumb removal.... but then how will she type?
I can't stand pacifiers, so it was never an option at our house. And funny enough neither of my girls are thumb suckers either. But they do have these little blankies, which are actually dyed cloth diapers (never used for diapering though, lol). I used them a lot when I nursed & baby held on to it, smelled it, rubbed it on her face... and before I knew it, I had the perfect soothing item!
They are now 8 & 10 and still have dye-dye's in their beds... they like to smell them, lol. But shhhh... I never told you that. It's a secret!
Pacifier over thumb sucking is my vote!!! Ask any dentist and you CAN take it away. Try it before it's too late - Love Grammy
I loved our pacis. They brought comfort to all three kids and peace to my ever-loving ears. Maeve had hers until 4, but only in her bed around maybe 2? She'd go up to her room during the day and "spend time with her paci" LOL I thought we'd never get rid of it. We finally had a build-a-bear party and put her pacis into the bear with the heart for her 4th birthday.
Beazey had hers until around 3 1/2 ish, with the same bed-only rules. She was going to have the same 4th birthday as Maeve, but decided one day she wanted to do it early. And she never looked back.
Leo had one and gave it up at 8 or 9 months, maybe? He just refused to take it anymore. He does still take a bottle to bed with him. Egads. We thought switching it from milk to water would make him stop, but he drinks the water down and goes right to sleep. It keeps him well hydrated, I suppose. I don't know but I'm too old to sweat it. LOL
I love thumb suckers, but was scared one of mine would suck their thumbs b/c you can't take it away.
4 year old with the pacifier sends me over the edge! I don't like pacifiers but thumb suckers bother me more (sorry!) so I allow pacifiers at nap and bedtime. I figure you can throw away the pacifier but you can't just chop off their thumbs at 12 months..well I guess technically you could.. ;o) I don't even know if my son uses his because it is usually chucked halfway across the room when he wakes up in the morning. I am a mean mom too and at 12 months threw away my oldest's and plan to throw the baby's away at the same time.
My littlest girl (Mariel) was a FUSSY girl like Astrid. Eight months old and STILL fussy like she had the colic or something STILL AT EIGHT MONTHS. Then.. I will say all of a sudden at like 10 months she became the happiest baby in the entire world and didn't fuss again - like ever. I am hoping this will happen for you, too. Like tomorrow.
But I digress.....
Anyway, I have friends who have had babies who were allowed their pacis only at sleeping times, so I thought I'd try it just to soothe my incredibly fussy child. And you know what? She wouldn't take it. She'd hold it and chew on the sides of it, and toss it up and down. (*Alternately fussing and screaming.) She wanted no part of sucking on it, though. So, it's not even like the damn thing works all the time anyway. Or at least that's my experience. ;)
Charlie was not the easiest child either, and one day I bought one for him (even though I had sworn on my copy of "what to expect when you're expecting" that I never would, after a long stretch of sleepless nights. I was hoping it would be the magical thing that would transport him into the 'easy baby' category. He refused, no matter what kind I tried. And he never used his thumb either, and he will STILL need dental work.
Life as a mom, nothing can prepare you. And feel free to judge others, knowing they are probably judging you right back (but lusting after your wardrobe...)
My first child was a thumb-sucker. I was proud to have a thumb-sucker... she could comfort herself, I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to stick a pacifier in her mouth, and I didn't have to worry about dirty pacifiers that fell on the floor. I was firmly convinced that the thumb was best. I was wrong. When she was still sucking her thumb at night at age 5, it was nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get her to stop. All of my friends with 5 year old thumb suckers said the same. Her teeth have been affected, and it was really, really hard to get her to stop. We finally had to use the bad-tasting finger nail polish. My second child was a pacifier girl, and I will take the ugly plastic thing in the mouth, getting up to replace it, and cleaning issues in a heartbeat over dealing with stopping a thumb sucker. She does not have any of the teeth issues, and we threw it out at about age 18 months, and we were DONE. No problem! After dealing with those two, I am a pacifier convert! I desperately tried to get child three to take a pacifier, but she was having none of it. She uses neither, and that is probably best, but if it comes down to pacifier vs. thumb, pacifier wins here.
And you have every right to judge the 4 year old with a pacifier. There is no excuse for that!
I love pacifiers but I could never talk my babies into them. They preferred ME as a pacifier.
With each new baby I would buy a few fresh pacifiers & boil them up just in case...but through 4 kids, we have never had a child who would take a paci. We would try the paci at sleep times or sometimes when they were fussy, but I am just not going to keep putting the thing back in their mouth over & over when they spit it out. I would say each child took it for about a week or two, but not consistently. Same with thumb or finger sucking...they would find their fingers & sometimes suck, but not consistently. Although my 2 year old took an interest in them when the baby came along so I threw them all out so she wouldn't decide she needed a paci at 2 1/2! So thankfully I have not had to deal with the issue of breaking them of a thumb or paci...thus, I really don't have a strong opinion either way, thumb vs. paci...of course, I do have perfect children who never scream or cry...hate me. ;-)
If you have a child that can soothe with either a pacifier or a thumb...bring them on. As with everything-moderation and boundaries are what makes anything work. I think its perfectly lovely to have a time/place for soothing and an age at which new ways of soothing need to be learned (for my kids it was when they were learning to talk.....can't do too well with a pacifier in your mouth:)) xo
Well...
Until around 7yrs old, I was a thumb-sucker... I've decided that is where I got my cute nose...I rubbed it w/ my index finger much like it appears Astrid is doing.
Both of my children were four year old, bedtime passy suckers... they have both been blessed with "spacious" teeth & gums... Our dentist assured me that once the passy subsided the teeth would take their natural shape... He was correct...
I certainly wouldn't consider you a "bitch" for your opinion... My personal opinion is WHATEVER works for you and your family... ie: family bed... passy's... spankings or not...
No, you're def. not alone in judging those who let their 4 year-olds have a pacifier (or, worse yet, a baby bottle........a la Suri Cruise---I know I saw her as a 3 year-old with a baby bottle several times!). We have friends who have a 4 year-old who still has a pacifier.....
My kids had pacifiers until they were about 3 months old, and then they just really didn't want them anymore........probably because they both discovered they love their fingers (Caroline = index AND middle finger Sydney = thumb)much better............hey, they're attached/you can't lose them :), and, like Astrid, they only do it when they're sleepy. Glad Astrid is finding ways to soothe herself :)
The pic of Astrid is sooo sweet. Like you, we didn't use pacifiers. Out of 4 kids, 3 chose to be thumb suckers and one had a hard time stopping, but the others quit around age 2. I don't have the answer except to say that if life is miserable with a fussy baby, do whatever it takes for some sanity. But, fully agree that kids should be weaned long before age 4. That looks pathetic.
My favorites are the children with a paci AND on a lease!
uhhh my daughter was a pacifier kid until 4..only at night though. Now instead of sucking on a pacifier, she bites her fingernails and hair..grrr.My middle son is 3 and has his pacifier at night only.. I will take it away someday.. LOL. The baby is a thumbsucker. A huge thumbsucker. Don't know how I'll take that away. I'd rather the pacifier because you can take it away..
I don't care about pacifiers or thumbs because I enjoy sleeping at night. They'll need braces anyways.. :)
Adopted at 8 months old, her thumb was the only thing she had. It's been our saving grace and she's slowly growing out of it. Dentist asks about it, but is always happy to hear it is a little less. We talk about how once she's 5 she'll stop. (end of the year). Truth is, once her meme (blankie) disappears, the thumb sucking will too. She cannot suck w/out that blankie.
I was sooo with you on the pacifier!!! When my 1st was born...I was lucky that she was happy. It was never an issue. Her fussy times were rare & I enjoyed the extra love that soothed her.
Then #2 came along & MY OH MY does she sound like Astrid. lol If she was born 1st we might not have had another. lol It was ROUGH! around 4 or 5months she started taking the paci & I too HATED it. But...it worked. She wanted to nurse of have the paci 24/7. At 1 year we took it...it was for nap & bedtime only.
we took it away entirely at *almost* 3. I thought it'd be a nightmare...but really, it wasn't
I think the paci in public beyond 2 is where I have issues. lol Unless they are missing naptime...then it's acceptable. lol
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