Thursday, January 7, 2010

Stupid Is..

I made meat on Christmas. I don't make meat much or much meat for that matter, as I don't eat meat much or much meat for that matter.

Most people, or just me for that matter, struggle a bit cooking foods they don't eat.

We cannot tell by color, texture or flavor and we worry about killing our families. I am a taster by trait in my kitchen and that is impossible to do when meat is involved.

Thus, the invention of the meat thermometer.

I had one, but it must've ended up in the organizational pile of "items rarely used in my kitchen" - thus tossed at some point along with the cookie dough baller, lemon zester and garlic press.

Not wanting to buy a meat thermometer to toss again in 3 years, I sent Jed on a mission to borrow one from the neighbors.

Mission accomplished.

Problem is, I put it in the meat and put the meat in the oven. Upon checking the meat after 15 minutes, a large drip of plastic was hanging off the face of the thermometer.

Plastic on a meat thermometer? I always had glass. How do I use such a device and holy shit I have now ruined it. Now A). How will I know when the meat is done and B.) How will I tell my neighbors that I turned their thermometer into a shrinky-dink and admit that I am so stupid that I put plastic in the oven.

I ran to google - and found their thermometer and found out it is called an "instant thermometer" - that doesn't go into the oven.

How stupid. How stupid to measure the temperature of meat that is cooked in the oven, outside of the oven. How stupid to make a meat thermometer out of plastic. How stupid of me not to notice it was plastic and ruin a thermometer and meat on Christmas.

What is even more stupid is that I was so embarrassed by my minor kitchen catastrophe that I didn't want to tell my neighbors about it, so promptly on December 25th FOUND the exact thermometer on amazon[dot]com from an ace hardware store in Brooklyn, NY and have been impatiently awaiting it's arrival.

For nearly two weeks now, I have avoided talking to my neighbors, making eye contact with my neighbors and promptly ducking inside my house if I spied them walking in front of our home, just to avoid admitting my thermometer shortcomings.

How happy I was when it finally arrived yesterday and I could open it and return it to them unscathed and apologize for only its tardy return and not its demise.

What is more stupid though - than the fact that it is plastic, the fact that I ruined it by putting it in the oven, and the fact that I was too big of a coward to admit it happened, is that it only cost me $3.78 on amazon, and it shipped for free in this HUGE box.(using wine bottle as measuring tool/comparison - as I don't carry rulers if you are wondering how big Astrid is now, she is about 2 1/2 wine bottles long...).

AND that they put on the back of the packaging the use instructions. See, now I was never given those!



Melanie said...

Oh Tracy! Thanks for the giggle, no flat out laughter! (I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing WITH you!)
Sorry for your meat fiasco!
But how did it taste or did you just bag it & have something else?

Ginny said...

And you make fun of my baking! I have NEVER placed anything plastic in the oven to bake (oops, unless of course you want to count the plastic thing inside a turkey once). I'm sure it still tasted good. A little plastic never hurt anyone:)

Jill R said...

And the precise reason I hate borrowing always gets broken! Argh. At least you could replace it.

Melanie said...

Should you ever decide to go the meat route again, may I suggest a digital thermometer with a probe? I am not a big meat cooker either. In fact, it freaks me out and I always overcook it b/c I'm afraid it's raw and that the entire family will die of undercooked meat poisoning. Anyhoo, I got one of these
And you can set it to the desired temp and it will beep. Oh and the digital part sits OUTSIDE of the oven, just fyi.

Momma T said...

I love this one. Seriously. In part because I routinely forgo the use of a meat thermometer. I used to wonder how it could possibly be accurate and measure the temp of the meat as opposed to the temp of the oven (because I, too, left it in the oven). After my stupidity episode, I decided to kick the thermometer's a** and never use it again. I just cut and eyeball. I'm wild, I know. But no one's been poisoned yet. Love you.

Rachelle said...

You are so funny! Laughing at all of it, but especially the huge box for a tiny little thing and also the fact that Astrid is now 2 and a half wine bottles long. Ha!

Kristi Pohl said...

A. Why didn't you have me bring one of my five meat thermometers with me on Christmas Day? Could have save you all kinds of trouble, but then you wouldn't have had this hilarious post to write...
B. I included a cute tape measure in your sewing box, you can now use that to measure Astrid rather than the wine bottle (although I like that visual much better....)

Wendy said...

Ahhhh, a girl after my own heart. I eat a little turkey from time to time but I am not a big meat eater either and I am always worrying about poisoning my people. And yes, I have also lost my meat thermometer. Looks like I know where to get a new one now. :)

Messy@ Bungalow'56 said...

So...I'm just guessing here, but we can assume you're neighbors don't read your blog? This post made me feel normal. I would have done the exact same thing...if I new how to order of ebay that is. (now don't you feel less stupid?)

Messy@ Bungalow'56 said...

That should read "off of ebay" ...and that too, was to help you feel less stupid.

Heather said...

You are so funny! My how I've missed you since I've been out of the blogosphere. Hope you are doing well!

Related Posts with Thumbnails