On the 11th of September...

..I was walking into the ABN-AMRO bank in Delft. It was market day when we decided to stop in Delft for some pancakes..so we needed cash. I don't think we really got the cash that day.

As I got in line and continued my casual conversation with my aunt, and my aunt and my other aunt and my grandma, I was oblivious that no one at the bank was working - they were staring at the television on the wall....A customer said "are you American? you have been bombed with airplanes, it is a tragedy - look at the news on the t.v."

We looked up at the Dutch news being televised. I listened to catch as much Dutch as I could to understand what was happening.

One of the tellers than said - "turn the channel for the Americans, turn it to CNN or BBC so they can hear and understand what happened." ..and so they did. And we stood in the lobby of ABM-AMRO and learned of the tragedy of 9/11 and how it effected the world. The Dutch women in the bank had tears of sadness and disbelief running down their cheeks.

It was then that my phone started ringing - my colleagues from my Dutch office started calling - "I know you are taking some days off to be with family visiting from the States - but oh, Tracy - get to a TV, something horrible has happened in New York."

It was also then that my family needed to use my phone to call home. Americans abroad needing to connect to their families in the US to know that they were okay. We all needed a safe connection that day. Listening to my Grandma talk to her love, my Grandpa on the phone...as tears rolled down her cheeks, as she vowed to never leave his side again til death did they part is what got me though.

Here was my Grandma, 73 years old - her first time out of the USA and away from her love...and without the full information of what happened and what could still happen, was now racked with fear of never seeing him again.

So, we went back to Amsterdam and the 5 of us holed up in my small apartment and watched CNN morning til night watching the events unfold. Periodically calling our loved ones in the States and ordering out for food. Taking a few strolls in the Vondelpark as we continued to have strangers approach us upon hearing out accents and offering their condolences to our Country.

It took a few more days for my family to be able to fly home - for there to be space and flying to be resumed. I remember all of us being a bit fearful of them flying. I know I held unto each of them just a little tighter that day as we said our goodbyes. I had an urge to go with them that day to be back on my Home soil just quickly again to know everything would be okay. I felt very alone that day they left.

I don't think my Grandma did ever leave Grampa's side again until she died 5 years later. They dutifully went to Mass every day after 9/11 - together praying for their families and the families effected by the tragedies of that day.

..and when I think about this day every year, I think about my Grandma and how brave she was to come overseas at 73 to visit her granddaughter. How I hope she never regretted that decision because of the events that unfolded during her stay, because having her with me to hold hands with and cry with on 9/11 meant the world to me. Every year now on 9/11, I can still feel her warm embrace.

xoxo,t

Pre-K Rocking Day...

So, my 2nd baby went off to Pre-K yesterday.


..but as she likes to remind me, it is really kindergarten because she is in the kindergarten class.

We have chosen Montessori for Esther - so her class is 4-6 year olds in the actual kindergarten room in a k-6 elementary school.

I think Montessori is perfect for Esther and how she learns...and doesn't she look cute with a ruffle butt too?

She had an amazing first day.

..and was so excited to go.

The confidence this girl has just astounds me.

She even met a boyfriend yesterday named Tucker. She said he is really fun and she like funny boys. I asked if his dad was a doctor.

She will be sneaking out her bedroom window when she is 16 to meet up with Tucker, I am sure.

Like mother like daughter. Lord help me.

She loves her new teacher - and I love her new teacher. She is nice and introduced herself and made Esther feel comfortable and lets me talk to her and she talks back to me and she smiles like a normal human - unlike a certain 1st grade teacher I know.

..and yes, my 4 year old insisted on taking the bus home. I was a wreck about it - but she LOVED it. Can you tell by this end of the day smile how much she loved it?

Love you, My Miss Esther-Boo. You rock my world
xoxo,t

Why women in their 40's shouldn't have a baby

...besides having rotten, declining eggs, we also lose brain cells.

Sure, I am exhausted this week - the Matilda Jane season started so I am selling like a mad women..driving to shows, lugging my kids, nursing while writing orders - it is like crack for the fashionista momma.

My kids started school this week - new schools, so I am a wreck about that and need to get up by 4am to make sure they and I are organized for the day.

..and yes, I have a newborn who still gets up every few hours to nurse - so my sleep is a bit lacking.

This all came to a head last night.

I got home from my Matilda Jane show and kept driving around the neighborhood looking for my house -really, I couldn't remember where it was..finally found it...pulled into the garage, parked the car and when I got to the house to unlock the door - no keys. Where did I leave them.

Yep, still in the ignition with the car running.

Nice.
xoxo,t

I am so Screwed...

Eloise started first grade yesterday.

Eloise brought home her first homework assignment. Yes, first grade, first day, first homework assignment.

Really? Couldn't they just play with stuffed animals and have recess on the first day?

Are you ready for what her homework assignment was?

Ready...

"Find and document 3 phenology examples today."

Huh?

Yes, it is true...I already had to Google her first homework assignment to find out what the hell phenology is.

I am wondering if they have an extra chair for me in that first grade classroom because I need a bit of a refresher.

..and in other news...I picked out the CUTEST strappy, floral orange sandals for Eloise to wear to school today...but she chose this look instead.

Classic.
xoxo,t

On Your First Day of First Grade...

Dear Eloise,

Happy Day you big First Grader!

I am so proud of you. Watching you carefully arrange your desk last week - placing the pencils just so, and stacking your notebooks neatly...you are so not your mother's daughter. Packing and repacking your backpack last night so it was efficiently organized based on when you would need the items and made to fit perfectly...you are so not your mother's daughter. Laying out your school clothes after making a hard choice from 10 appropriate sets per the weather...okay, we may have that in common. Laying your lunchbox on the counter and reminding me to pack your lunch promptly for the morning...and then telling me to wake you early this morning to make sure we are on time for your first day.

First Day - new school.

You were my shy, sensitive little toddler who has blossomed into a confident, inquisitive, outgoing, and lovely young girl. You are a friend to all and kindness leads your path. You are caring, helpful and of course, wickedly smart. You are going to Rock first grade my dear!

You are an avid reader and it is so endearing to me to see you with open books walking down the sidewalks, bumping into things as you cannot tear yourself away as you need to finish just "one more" chapter before closing it for the hour. How once you buy a new book, your only goal is to finish it quickly to see how it ends..and the rest of the world must wait. Your love of reading makes me squeal in delight....I always had a book in front of my face in grade school.

You are so brave to go to this new, big school. To not have the worries like your mom. I know you won't cry today..and I know I will...mainly because I am so proud of the girl you have become. How independent, lovely and just plain amazing you are. I am not sure how I got so lucky to live with with greatest 6 year old ever...but I did.

Love you sweetie.
xoxo, Mom

The End of Summer...

I was going to break open the bubbly for the girls tonight and treat them to a special meal to usher in their new school year.

I have decided to save the bubbly for myself for tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM after they are gone.

Go ahead and feel sad for me and my kids that I am glad Summer is finally over. I love my kids and love spending time with them...but they need to go play well with others for awhile...and selfishly, so do I.

I am tired. and crabby.

The only thing I am going to miss about Summer is this guy...

I love this guy..I think that he should come once a week when the schools are in and the kids are gone to bring smiles to the stay at home moms and serve margaritas instead of drumsticks. I think I have a new business plan.

For now he brings cheap ice cream to my girls twice per week, so I don't have to take them somewhere.

Oh, he brings big smiles too.

What I love the most about this guy though, is that instead of playing your typical "ice cream/carnival" genre music, he plays amazing Muslim Prayer music.

It takes me back to the lazy mornings in Turkey, being gently awoken by the songs of prayers from the spires of the Mosques. There has never been a more peaceful sound.

I love how he beckons the neighborhood out every week to buy ice cream and chat. The end of Summer means that we will go back into our homes and hibernate for the cold, Minnesota winter. We will miss the ice cream truck....and perhaps a little bit of Summer.

xoxo,t